


ICARUS

by Lucifers_Left_Lung



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Angst, Drama, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-06-16 00:03:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 32,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15424587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucifers_Left_Lung/pseuds/Lucifers_Left_Lung
Summary: Jaebeom has worked hard to be where he is, even if that is in his second year of college, working two jobs, and drowning in the debt of student loans. He is determined to have a better life and to live his dream of being a producer. Enter Park Jinyoung, whom Jaebeom loathes. Jinyoung is the spoiled rich kid, who's always had everything handed to him. Until one day, he gives Jaebeom the opportunity of a lifetime.The only question is: why?{just a cliche au}©2018//Lucifers_Left_Lung





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is, uh, cliche as hell. Forgive. Also, I don't ship real life people. However, I do enjoy writing angst about real life people, so yeah. There's gonna be lots of that, prepare yourselves. I'll try to take it easy, though (that's a whole ass lie, when I do angst, I go big or go home).

Jaebeom didn't hate the coffee shop, per se. It wasn't the scent of coffee all day, every day, that bugged him. It wasn't even the often-erratic people who showed up in the mornings, either in a rush to get somewhere or half-dead. Hell, Jaebeom didn't even mind that he wiped tables for a living. No, what really bothered him was Park Jinyoung. Every morning, Park Jinyoung would enter the coffee shop, looking totally put-together, and order the same thing. A tall Americano to go.

Maybe you're wondering just _why_ this Park Jinyoung bugged the hell out of Jaebeom? It wasn't simply the fact that Jinyoung was always well-dressed and curt. In fact, the guy was also quite well-mannered and often left a nice tip for Jaebeom. But that was what got under Jaebeom's skin. He knew Jinyoung pretty well, as they'd been attending the same college for two years now. Everyone knew that Park Jinyoung was the golden boy. Straight A's, AP classes, scholarships and the promise of a bright career and an even brighter future. Jaebeom could respect that the man worked hard. What he couldn't respect, however, was how Jinyoung tended to show off his wealth, taking any chance he could to rub it in peoples' faces.

To be fair, Jaebeom knew that he was probably being unreasonable here. Just because he was poor and had to work two jobs over the summer to support himself and be able to even _begin_ paying back his student loans, which he was starting to drown in, didn't mean that other people didn't have their own problems. He was sure that Park Jinyoung had his own issues, and maybe Jinyoung didn't mean to come off as a spoiled rich kid who only wanted to show off his wealth to others. Maybe Park Jinyoung really meant nothing by the way he always left Jaebeom a hefty tip, telling him to "use it wisely".

Maybe.

But Jaebeom didn't trust anyone, especially someone as rich and spoiled as Park Jinyoung. That's why, when classes started back the following day, Jaebeom was going to quit the coffee shop altogether. No more part time after class, no more having to deal with Park Jinyoung in the evenings rather than the mornings now that summer was over. Instead, Jaebeom would just go to class and avoid the guy. He'd find another job, somewhere he wouldn't run into Jinyoung, and the final two years of college would be a breeze without Jinyoung constantly rubbing his perfection and wealth in Jaebeom's face.

But that was tomorrow. Today, Jaebeom was still working in the coffee shop. Today, Jaebeom  was going to have to see Park Jinyoung and deal with his smug expression as he left his tip and made some snide, but "well-meaning" comment about how Jaebeom spent his money. As if the fact that he was working his ass off to go to school wasn't blatantly clear.

Jaebeom already had Jinyoung's drink prepared when he walked through the door. After months of the same, Jaebeom had taken the liberty of having the drink ready at the same time every morning. Jinyoung was never late and he never changed his order.

Until today.

Jinyoung was standing across the counter from Jaebeom; he pushed his glasses up his nose, eyes on the menu on the wall. His dark hair was ruffled from the wind, as Autumn closed in on them, the summer finally taking its leave. There was a black scarf wrapped around Jinyoung's neck, though it wasn't cold enough for it yet.

"I have your Americano ready," Jaebeom said, passing the steaming cup across the bar to Jinyoung.

Jinyoung shook his head and passed it back to Jaebeom. "What do you recommend?" he asked.

Jaebeomnarrowed his eyes and pushed the cup back towards Jinyoung. "I recommend the Americano I made for you. The same thing you order everyday," he replied. A line had started to form behind Jinyoung and Jaebeom mentally tried to prepare himself for the attitudes he was sure to receive from the rest of the customers he'd be serving.

"What do you usually get?" Jinyoung pressed, absentmindedly passing the cup, yet again, across the counter.

"Hot chocolate," Jaebeom answered, hoping that if he did, Jinyoung would pick up the pace and order something.

Jinyoung let his gaze land on the older boy in confusion. "In the summer?"

"Yes, in the summer. Hot chocolate is good any time of year. Are you going to order something now?"

"Two hot chocolates," Jinyoung replied.

Jaebeom didn't question the fact that Jinyoung was alone, yet ordering two hot chocolates instead of one. He honestly didn't have the time or the patience to consider what Jinyoung was up to, nor did he really care. Today was his last day at the coffee shop and it was going to be a busy one, all because Jinyoung had chosen today of all days to change his order and get Jaebeom behind.

With a sigh, Jaebeom told Jinyoung the total and got him his order. "Have a nice day," Jaebeom said, though at this point, he wasn't sure he meant it.

Jinyoung picked up on of the cups of hot chocolate and passed the other to Jaebeom, along with a card. "See you tomorrow," he said, leaving the coffee shop.

It wasn't until Jaebeom left work that he got to the card Jinyoung had given him. Hell, he'd been so busy that he hadn't even gotten to drink the hot chocolate, leaving it to grow cold on the counter beside the register. He'd ultimately had to trash it, along with the Americano.

Now, Jaebeom was seated on the bench at the bus stop, digging for the card in the pocket of his leather jacket. On the front was the name of the largest record company in Seoul, JYP Entertainment. Confused, Jaebeom turned the card over and nearly choked. Scrawled on the back was a short message: _we start our internship tomorrow, meet me at 8am. -Jinyoung_

This had to be a prank, right? Jinyoung knew that Jaebeom didn't like him, so he was messing with him. That had to be it. Jaebeom hadn't even applied for an internship at JYP since the last time he'd been turned down, months ago. Jaebeom did know that Park Jinyoung's own father was the CEO of the company and perhaps Jinyoung could pull some strings, but the question that was really nagging at Jaebeom was _why_. The only contact Jaebeom and Jinyoung really had was at the coffee shop when Jinyoung was paying for his coffee and Jaebeom was being rude to him. Why the hell would Jinyoung want to do anything for Jaebeom, let alone get him an internship at the company of his dreams? None of it made sense.

The bus arrived a few minutes later and Jaebeom clenched his jaw, giving the card one last glance. "You'd better hope this isn't a joke," he said, shoving the card back into his pocket and boarding the bus.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a filler chapter, I guess. Story-building and all that jazz.  
> But the next chapter will be angsty, I can assure you.  
> Ah, I love angst.  
> Also, I'm from the US and don't know as much about Korean culture as I would like to, so I'm neglecting using honorifics and such, simply because I would rather not use them at all than get them wrong.

Jaebeom was stood outside the building of JYP Entertainment the next morning, tapping his foot impatiently. Okay, he wasn't really impatient. It wasn't even eight yet. Honestly, Jaebeom  was just nervous. What if this _was_ just an elaborate joke being played by Park Jinyoung? What if it wasn't? Jaebeom wasn't sure how he was supposed to act around Park Jinyoung if this were all true and they'd be working together. All Jaebeom had had for the guy since he'd met him was contempt. Jaebeom wasn't sure he knew how to be nice to him.

At five minutes short of eight, Jinyoung stopped beside Jaebeom. His hair was was combed back neatly, dark glasses perched on his nose. There was a slight smile on his face as he looked at Jaebeom, who was wearing the fanciest clothes he owned: a white dress shirt, dark jeans (without holes or tears), and Converse. Jaebeom's own hair was combed back as well, but he knew he looked lacking in comparison to the man beside him.

"You came," Jinyoung said happily, seemingly surprised.

Jaebeom glanced down at his dirty shoes. "Why am I here?" he asked Jinyoung.

"I told you, an internship." Jaebeom was about to ask just _how_ he'd gotten this internship in the first place, but Jinyoung started walking. "C'mon, we're going to be late!"

Sighing, Jaebeom followed Jinyoung into the building. He hadn't been sure of what he would need, so he'd packed his laptop just in case. He was relieved to see that Jinyoung also had a laptop bag over his shoulder. Jaebeom felt the nervousness in his stomach twist as he laid eyes on the sleek interior of the building. For years, he'd dreamed of working here. Sure, he'd been inside before ─only the once, when he'd applied for his internship a few months back ─but this was different. Now that he was there to actually work and start his career ─even if it was only an internship for now ─everything felt new.

Jinyoung led him over to the elevator and pressed the button. Jaebeom almost asked him how he knew where to go, but then he realized Jinyoung had probably spent a lot of time in this building. So, choosing to stay silent, because he honestly had nothing to talk about with Park Jinyoung, Jaebeom simply followed the boy. Jinyoung boarded the elevator, Jaebeom followed. Jinyoung got off on the seventh floor, walking down a long hallway and stopping at a large set of double doors, Jaebeom followed. There was a gold plaque on the door that read _CEO, Park Jinyoung_ , and Jaebeom felt his stomach drop once again. He hadn't known he'd be meeting the CEO himself.

Without waiting for Jaebeom to collect himself, Jinyoung knocked and then entered the room. There was a man behind the desk, who looked up, not seeming at all surprised to see his son entering, or Jaebeom, for that matter. The office was large, with floor-to-ceiling windows on the back wall, overlooking the city of Seoul. There were couches on one side and Park Jinyoung's desk on the other. Jaebeom tried not to let his awe show, but knew he was failing.

Jaebeom was so caught up in taking in the room and the view that he barely heard the CEO saying his name. Embarrassed, Jaebeom bowed and apologized.

Park Jinyoung laughed and waved his hand, shooing away Jaebeom's apology. "My son tells me you've wanted to work here for a long time," he said.

Jaebeom glanced sidelong at Jinyoung, wondering how he even knew that, before looking back at his father. "That's right," he replied. "Basically my whole life. But, can I ask...why did you give me the internship? I was turned down before."

Park Jinyoung glanced at his son for a split second, but Jaebeom didn't miss it. "I re-evaluated your application and your interview and had a change of heart."

Before Jaebeom could inquire more, the door opened and a woman entered. She had a clipboard in her hand; her hair was in a tight, neat ponytail, her nails perfectly manicured, and her heels about four inches high. There was a pleasant smile on her face, but something in her eyes that told Jaebeom he didn't want to mess with her.

He liked her already.

After saying their goodbyes to the CEO and giving their respective bows, Jaebeom and Jinyoung were told to follow the woman, whose name, they'd learned, was Misoo. She led them down the long hallway to a separate hall. Each door was labeled with different names, most of which Jaebeom recognized. Famous producers and artists alike. That nervous knot returned to his stomach, but this time it was mixed with excitement. Would he get to work with one (or more) of these people? People he basically idolized? He hoped so.

To Jaebeom's dismay, Misoo opened the door to the empty conference room and ushered he and Jinyoung inside. On the long table were boxes of papers, the contents of which he had no idea. But he had a feeling he wasn't going to enjoy this first day.

Misoo was still wearing that painted-on smile as she told them, "Unfortunately, both of the guys you were going to be shadowing today had to leave town unexpectedly for a few days. We were going to pair you with someone else, but Mr. Park had specifically planned on you being with Hong Ji-Sang and Min Lee." Jaebeom couldn't believe he was going to be working with names like Hong Ji-Sang and Min Lee. "So, for now, until they return, you'll have to do some...not as interesting work."

Jaebeom pushed away the thoughts of working with legendary producers and let his gaze fall on the boxes on the table. "What do we have to do?" he asked Misoo.

"All of these have to be sorted by artist last name, and then sorted from there by genre. It's basically busy-work, to be honest. But at least you'll have time to bond?" Misoo smiled and shrugged, then left the room.

For a moment, Jinyoung and Jaebeom just stood there in silence, taking in the mountain of meaningless work they were about to have to complete. This wasn't what Jaebeom had had in mind when he found out he'd be coming to work for the company of his dreams. Then again, he hadn't been expecting to be there at all, so he decided to take all of this with a grain of salt. Meaningless work now would turn into dream work later, right?

Jaebeom moved first, dropped his bag into an empty chair and taking one himself. Jinyoung quickly followed suit, digging a stack of papers out of one of the boxes and plopping it down on the table. They worked in silence for a while, the only sound in the room the quiet rustling of papers and the squeaking of chairs. At some point, Jaebeom had began working mechanically, his mind only partly focused on the work in front of him. He couldn't help thinking again about how Jinyoung had known that he'd wanted to work at JYP Entertainment for the better part of his life. It wasn't like Jaebeom and Jinyoung were friends—quite the opposite, actually. So how had Jinyoung known something that Jaebeom hadn't really shared with anyone outside of family? And why had Jinyoung gone out on a limb to get Jaebeom this internship in the first place?

Finally, Jaebeom let his curiosity get the better of him, dropping the papers he'd been sorting, and looked at Jinyoung across the table. "Why?" he asked.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and kudos are appreciated.  
> They inspire me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks and angst, my favorite things.

_The day had been particularly bad. It was a day that was truly following the rule of Murphy's Law, and Jaebum was just ready for it to be over. School had been worse than usual, the typical bullies honing in on Jaebum as if he were their only prey. He wasn't usually a victim of bullying, not lately, but sometimes that changed. He supposed the bullies got bored with their normal victims and had to change it up a bit. Jaebum could handle himself. Today, though, that had resulted in after-school detention, which meant he was getting home later than usual._

_Of course, following the rule of Murphy's Law, on the walk home, it started to rain, and by the time Jaebum crashed through the door of his family's small home, he was soaked to the bone. He had little time to worry about that, though, as his sister approached him, a glare on her face. Jaebum vaguely noticed her red-rimmed eyes and tear-streaked face, before she started yelling at him._

_"Where have you been?" she asked him angrily, but she didn't leave him room to answer, before continuing. "You should have been home hours ago. We've been looking everywhere for you, do you even_ know _what_ _─"_

_"Kyung-Soo," their father said, coming up behind Jaebum's sister. "That's enough."_

_Jaebum looked up at his father, whose eyes were also red as if he'd been crying. What was going on? "Dad, what's _─_ " Jaebum started, but his father held up a hand to stop him._

_"Jaebum, we need to talk."_

_There was something in Jaebum's stomach, something stirring, something painfully uncomfortable. He could sense that his father was about to deliver some sort of bad news, but how bad would it be? After the shitty day he'd had, Jaebum had only wanted to come home and let his mother make him is favorite snack after a bad day. Now, as Jaebum dropped his wet bag by the door and shook out his hair, droplets flying in all directions, he felt the melancholy in the air._

_Someone was crying as he followed his father towards the kitchen. When they entered, Jaebum saw his mother at the table, Kyung-Soo rubbing her back consolingly, while simultaneously trying to hold back her own tears. Jaebum's father told him to have a seat and he complied, that uncomfortable feeling still in the pit of his stomach, twisting, making his hands shake and sweat bead on his forehead._

_"Jaebum, why didn't you walk your brother home today?" his father asked him, arms crossed over his chest. Jaebum's father was a tall man, not particularly intimidating just from the looks of him, but Jaebum knew him well enough to know that he wasn't as soft as he looked. Suddenly, he was afraid to answer, afraid of the consequences of him having received detention._

_Jaebum hesitated, swallowing a lump in his throat. Was that why they were all so upset? Because he hadn't walked his brother home? "I got detention," Jaebum replied quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry," he continued, his voice slightly louder as he explained, his fear of being in trouble getting the better of him. "These guys were picking on me and I just _─_ "_

_"He didn't come home, Jae," Kyung-Soo said. There was something like blame in her eyes, her expression fixed in a glare._

_"What?" Jaebum asked, confused. "Wh _─_ Why didn't he come home? Where is he?" Jaebum's heart was pounding in his chest as he tried to make sense of a situation that was completely ludicrous. Of course his brother had come home. He had to have._

_Jaebum's mom choked on a sob and Kyung-Soo pulled her into an embrace, her eyes never leaving her brother's. "How are we supposed to know that? You were supposed to walk him home. You know he can't walk by himself and _─_ "_

_"Kyung-Soo, that's enough," their father said sternly. "Jaebum, let's go. We're going out looking for him again. Kyung-Soo, stay with your mother. Stay by the phone in case the police call back."_

_Jaebum followed his father back out into the heavy rain. The fog was so low now that he could barely see in front of him, but still he continued on, not leaving his father's side as they went to neighbor after neighbor, to every place they thought his brother could have wandered to. They shouted until their throats were sore and their voices hoarse. Once, they stopped just so Jaebum's father could cry, the sobs making his body shake. Jaebum didn't know what to do for his father or his family, he didn't know how to find his brother. If he could go back in time, he would have just taken the beating from those bullies so he could have walked his brother home._

_As it were, he couldn't go back. And they didn't find his brother._

_Late that night, Jaebum and his father returned home. They had to break the news to his mother and sister, they had to see the police for days on end while they tried to retrace his little brother's steps that day. They had to search again and again, this time with help from their neighbors. But they never found another trace of Jaebum's brother._

_Over the years, Jaebum had watched his family slowly fall apart. He knew they all blamed him, no matter how many times they assured him that they didn't. Aside from Kyung-Soo, who was open about how much she despised Jaebum and how much she_ did _blame him, his parents tried to pretend that life was going on as normal. But Jaebum saw through the cracks. After all, he wasn't a child. He'd been thirteen when his brother went missing, and he never allowed himself to act childishly again._

_Every time the bullies decided it was his turn, Jaebum took the beating. He got a job and worked after school, so that he wouldn't have to see the ever-present pain and guilt in his family's eyes, and so that they wouldn't have to pretend that they actually wanted him around. He worked and went to school until he was accepted into college and left his family's home for a small apartment by the school. That was when he started work at the coffee shop._

_That was when he met Park Jinyoung._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing a couple of the other members this chapter, only slightly.  
> But I have plans >:)  
> Also, they're obviously out of character because . . . it's an AU, so.  
> Expect that.

Jaebum was waiting for Jinyoung to answer his question, his eyes never leaving the boy's, even as Jinyoung clearly fidgeted and tried to think of how he wanted to answer. What was so hard about telling Jaebum the truth? He wanted to understand why Jinyoung, who had only ever been treated rudely by Jaebum, had gone out of his way to get Jaebum this internship. And how he'd known that this was Jaebum's dream job in the first place.

"Is it so hard to answer the question?" Jaebum finally said with an aggravated sigh.

Jinyoung pursed his lips and looked down at the papers on the table in front of him. It seemed as if there was something he didn't want to tell Jaebum, which only annoyed Jaebum more. He honestly felt indebted to Jinyoung and didn't want to be so irritated with him, but it was difficult when Jinyoung couldn't even answer the simple question of why he was helping Jaebum.

"Fine," Jaebum said a few minutes later, after still receiving no reply from Jinyoung. "If you don't want to tell me why you're helping, that's fine. But just know that it means I won't trust you, because you're clearly hiding something."

Before Jinyoung could speak, the door opened and Misoo walked in, that same smile plastered on her face. "You can take lunch now," she said sweetly. "You have one hour."

As Jaebum stood and shrugged his jacket back on, Jinyoung glanced up him, apparently finally finding his voice. "Do you wanna get lunch together?" he asked, his voice sounding hopeful.

Jaebum found himself sighing again and shook his head. "Depends," he replied. "Are you ready to tell me why you got me this internship?"

Jinyoung remained silent, clearly uncomfortable again. "That's what I thought," JB said, leaving Jinyoung alone in the conference room.

The walk to the cafeteria wasn't a long one, but it felt like it took forever for Jaebum to reach the small area, his mind racing with what it was that Jinyoung could be keeping from him. To be fair, they weren't exactly friends and Jinyoung didn't owe Jaebum anything. If anything, Jaebum owed Jinyoung, which bugged the hell out of him. When he'd been planning to leave the coffee shop _to escape Jinyoung_ , the last thing he'd thought was that he would be interning at his dream job _because of Jinyoung_. Yet here he was, his emotions a confusing mess.

The kid working the register of the coffee spot located in the corner of the cafeteria was only a few years younger than Jaebum, his hair a bright yellow and his smile one of innocence. Jaebum silently wondered if this kid's dream was similar to his own. Or maybe he was working this dead-end job just to make end's meet, in hopes that a Jinyoung would come along and save him.

Jaebum shook his head, trying to rid his mind of all thoughts of Jinyoung. He was already going to be stuck working with him indefinitely until their respective partners returned from out of town. He didn't want this boy clouding his mind outside of work, too.

"I'll have a hot chocolate," Jaebum said to the kid.

"In summer?" the kid, whose nametag read Yugyeom, asked skeptically.

Jaebum smirked. "Hot chocolate is good any time of year."

Yugyeom pursed his lips, but made the hot chocolate without any other questions. He passed the drink across the counter, but as JB went to pay, he saw a hand holding a credit card out to the kid behind the bar. "This one's on me," Jinyoung said and JB groaned to himself.

"I can pay for my own drink," Jaebum said, though it was too late, as Yugyeom was passing Jinyoung a receipt for the hot chocolate.

With a nod in thanks, Jaebum tried to walk away, hoping Jinyoung wouldn't follow him, but knowing he would. Perhaps the mere fact that Jinyoung wouldn't explain why he'd gotten JB the internship wasn't reason enough for JB to be so cold to the boy. But then again, Jaebum had been cold towards Jinyoung long before the internship had come along, so maybe the fact that this guy had gotten him something he hadn't even asked for was no reason for him to change his behavior. Perhaps Jaebum shouldn't feel guilty for treating Jinyoung the same way he'd always treated him.

"I told you I don't wanna eat lunch with you," Jaebum said, heading for the door. He checked the clock on his phone and saw that he still had forty-five minutes for lunch. Enough time for him to walk to his favorite little restaurant down the block.

Jinyoung fell into step beside JB. "I know," he replied. "But you're the only person I'm even remotely friendly with h -"

Jaebum stopped and faced Jinyoung so suddenly that Jinyoung appeared startled. "We're not friends," Jaebum said sternly. "Far from it. I really appreciate you getting me this internship, even though you won't tell me _why_ , but that doesn't change anything between us. I still don't like you."

"Why don't you like me? I've never done any -"

"Jinyoungie," a deep voice said, (thankfully) interrupting their conversation.

A guy was approaching them. There was a backwards cap on his head and a frown on his face as he sized up Jaebum. His tank showed his toned and tan arms, but Jaebum was only focused on the jealous glint in the guy's eyes.

"Who's this?" he asked, stopping beside Jinyoung.

Jinyoung breathed what sounded like a sigh of annoyance. "This is Jaebum," he told the man. "Jaebum, this is Jackson."

"Nice to meet you," Jaebum said, though he honestly couldn't care less who this guy was; he was just thankful that this Jackson character was saving him from having to argue with Jinyoung. "I'm going to lunch. You kids have fun."

Jinyoung's unfinished sentence was still ringing in Jaebum's ears as he made his way down the block to his favorite restaurant. Jinyoung was honestly right: he hadn't ever done anything to make Jaebum dislike him. There was the fact that Jaebum had always felt as if Jinyoung was rubbing his money and privilege in JB's face, but that was all. Thinking back now, Jinyoung had always been pleasant otherwise. He was well-mannered and did always leave Jaebum that hefty tip (even if JB felt as if it were just him throwing up the fact that he had everything Jaebum didn't). Perhaps JB had been misreading Jinyoung this entire time? It was possible. But Jaebum was far too stubborn and prideful to ever admit that. So he supposed he would do the only thing he was good at in regards to Park Jinyoung.

He'd hate him.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen. Don't ask me why, but BamBam is older than Jinyoung.  
> Don't question it. Just go with it.  
> Gbye.

Jaebum took a drink of his beer and leaned back in the lounge chair. Currently, he and his best friend, Youngjae, were on the roof of Youngjae's apartment. Jaebum was staying with him for a while, since his place was closer to school and closer to JYP. Youngjae didn't mind, though; the two of them were basically brothers. Since JB had been around age fourteen, when Youngjae moved in next door, the two of them had been practically inseparable. Youngjae had listened to Jaebum cry for hours on end about his little brother and how it was his fault and Jaebum had comforted Youngjae when he'd end up covered in bruises. The two of them were a messed up duo, but they loved each other and their relationship was one Jaebum wished he'd had a chance to have with his little brother.

As it were, Jaebum still didn't know what happened to his real brother, but he was more than grateful to have Youngjae there. Now that Jaebum had little contact with his family, Youngjae was all he really had. It had been this way since JB had gone off to college and he didn't mind it. Any time he'd spent with his family since his brother's disappearance had been uncomfortable, the air in any room he walked into suddenly thick. His parents and sister wouldn't speak much when he was around; Kyung-Soo was pretty vocal about her hatred of Jaebum for what he'd caused, and his parents never spoke up to say she was wrong. It was a weight that had been on Jaebum for almost ten years, and he knew it wouldn't be lifted anytime soon.

But Youngjae made carrying the weight a little easier.

"Do you like the new job?" Youngjae asked from his seat beside Jaebum. The boy was only a couple years younger than JB, but he was more mature than a lot of people Jaebum knew. After everything Youngjae had been through, he'd been forced to grow up fast and, though it hurt Jaebum's heart to remember everything that had been done to Youngjae growing up, he had to admit that he was grateful his friend could understand hardships.

Jaebum shrugged. "It's an internship, so it's not that exciting right now," he replied. "Plus, I'm stuck working with Park Jinyoung."

"The CEO?" Youngjae asked excitedly.

JB snorted. "I wish. No, his son. The one from school I told you about."

"Ah, the spoiled rich kid. But isn't he the one who got you the internship? I thought that would mean you guys get along now."

"I tried, but he won't even tell me _why_ he got me the internship. I don't know. I can tell he's hiding something; I don't trust him."

Youngjae shook his head. "You don't trust anyone," he deadpanned.

"I trust you."

"You shouldn't, I stole the pizza you were saving."

Jaebum slapped Youngjae on the arm. "Yah! What the hell!"

Youngjae laughed, a sound that always made Jaebum smile, even when the two of them were fighting for real. He hated that Youngjae could get away with anything and everything, but he loved Youngjae as if they were blood. He wouldn't trade the boy for anything.

* * *

Jaebum hadn't been planning on acknowledging Jinyoung. In fact, he was going to make it a point to _ignore_ him, walk past him and get straight to work, sorting out those boxes of files that they'd barely put a dent in over the past two days. But Jinyoung wasn't one to be ignored, and honestly, Jaebum should have known that already.

Jinyoung was all smiles when he caught up to JB, who had passed him by without a word, heading into the building. "I got you a hot chocolate," Jinyoung said, holding out one of the cups he was holding.

"Already have one," JB replied without looking at him.

To Jaebum's dismay, Jinyoung didn't even falter, dropping the hot chocolate into a trash can as they passed by. "When are you going to stop hating me?" he asked as the entered the conference room.

"When are you going to tell me the truth?" Jaebum retorted. He dropped his bag into its usual chair and glared at Jinyoung across the table. For once, the boy was glaring right back at him.

"Can't you just be grateful? Does the reason really matter that much to you?"

JB sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "It just doesn't make sense, okay? I've never been anything less than antotal ass to you. Why the hell would you want to _help me_? And how did you know that this was my dream job in the first place?"

Jinyoung pursed his lips and looked down at his feet, the thing he did when he wasn't planning on answering. Rolling his eyes, Jaebum pulled out his chair and started working. "Just forget it," he said. "Stop playing games with me, Jinyoung."

"What kind of games are we playing?"

Jaebum and Jinyoung both looked up at the new voice in the room. Jaebum recognized him immediately as Jinyoung's older brother, Bam. It was common knowledge that Bam had been adopted into the Park family, a move that had been highly commended, and had even raised JYP Entertainment's stocks.

Jinyoung clenched his jaw and once again let his gaze rest on his feet. Jaebum, however, stood and bowed once to the man, pleased to meet the guy he assumed would be taking over the company after his father. It was clear from Jinyoung's reaction that the two weren't on the best of terms, but then again, neither were Jinyoung and Jaebum. As likely as it was that Bam and Jinyoung were exactly alike, Jaebum couldn't let himself hate the man who would undoubtedly be his future boss. That was just bad business.

"You must be the intern my brother begged my father to hire," Bam said. He was dressed in a black pinstripe suit, his dark hair perfectly gelled and his lips shaded a light pink. The makeup on his eyes somehow made the whole look come together, and Jaebum admittedly was a little in awe of how beautiful the man was.

But JB could tell from Bam's tone that the feeling wasn't mutual. In fact, it sounded almost as if Bam was disgusted with the whole situation. The familiar feeling of rejection stirred in Jaebum's gut as he registered Bam's expression of distaste. Suddenly self-conscious and uncomfortable, Jaebum cleared his throat and looked down at his shoes, just like Jinyoung. He'd dealt with that look since his brother had disappeared and seeing it again only made his chest tighten in regret.

"Just like Jinyoung to be dragging in strays," Bam continued. His eyes were fixed on his younger brother now, but the look of disgust was still there. "Don't worry. When Father gives me the company, I'll weed out all the...undesirables. Enjoy your time here while it lasts. Both of you."

Bam left then, the door closing after him. Once he was gone, it was as if Jaebum and Jinyoung could finally breathe again, the tension not totally gone, but remarkably lessened. Jinyoung sighed and plopped down into a chair, covering his face with his hands.

"He's nice," Jaebum said, taking his seat once again.

Jinyoung didn't look at JB, focusing on the work in front of him. "We should get to work," he said, dismissing the subject of his older brother. Jaebum knew what it was like to have family you didn't want to talk about, things that were just too much sometimes, so he didn't press the subject.

He felt a sudden kinship with Jinyoung, and that bugged the hell out of him.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short, so my bad.  
> The next one will be longer.

Yugyeom tied on his apron and sighed. He'd been working this dead-end job for nearly a year now and he constantly wondered if this was all his life was meant to be. Every morning, he woke up early and went to the animal shelter where he volunteered. It was the highlight of his day, getting to work with the animals. He couldn't own one himself because of where he lived, but since he was young, animals had meant a lot to him. After leaving the shelter around one in the afternoon, Yugyeom would go home and shower, immediately grabbing what would be his lunch _and_ dinner, then head to JYP to work until around eleven at night at the cafe.

It wasn't the worst, but Yugyeom had had dreams once. To be honest, he was fighting hard to keep those dreams alive, but that was hard when everyday was the same, when nothing seemed to ever change. Yugyeom often thought of his life like the movie, _Groundhog Day_ , destined to live the same day over and over.

Since it was a Saturday and most employees were given the weekend off, unless they chose to work, the cafe was quite slow. Yugyeom was the only one working, but he was actually getting off a few hours early for once. Another worker had asked for some of his hours and Yugyeom was more than happy to comply. Even though he was supposed to be working on his music in his spare time, the boy couldn't help but donate a chunk of that time to the animal shelter. And tonight, when he went home, his plan was to eat take-out and watch a bad movie. It was something he used to do with his sister, but she'd moved to America a couple months before. Not wanting to continue the tradition alone, Yugyeom had avoided it since she'd gone, but he found himself suddenly wanting to just curl up on his couch and watch something terrible to take his mind off his own failings.

Yugyeom brushed his yellow hair from his face and started placing the fresh cookies in the display cabinet. Why he'd dyed his hair yellow, he still wasn't sure. It had been a spur-of-the-moment decision; he'd been in dire need of _something_ to change. That just so happened to be his hair. Now that he was stuck seeing the bright color everyday, he was starting to hate it.

Someone clearing their throat caught Yugyeom's attention and he realized that he had a customer. Had he zoned out again? That was becoming a bad habit. Upon realizing just who the customer was, Yugyeom swallowed and tried to look like he hadn't just been on another planet. Bam was a tall man, all legs, and Yugyeom typically avoided serving him, opting to make one of the other employees. He didn't know Bam and he had no desire to; he'd heard what kind of person this man was.

"What can I get for you?" Yugyeom asked Bam, forcing a smile to his face. This man could literally fire him on the spot if he so desired.

Bam looked at the chalk menu behind Yugyeom, but then his eyes landed on Yugyeom. No, just on Yugyeom's shoulder. "What is that?" Bam asked him, pointing to where his eyes still focused.

Yugyeom glanced down at his shoulder to see what seemed to be animal fur. Had he accidentally grabbed a dirty shirt? Yugyeom mentally kicked himself for not paying attention today of all days and picked at the fur, quickly disposing of it. "Sorry," he told Bam sheepishly. "I volunteer at the animal shelter and I must have ─"

"You should be more professional," Bam interrupted sternly. "This is a place of business and you work with food. You're one of the first things clients see when they walk in. What do you think your appearance says about the rest of us? You're meant to set an example."

"I'm just a coffee boy," Yugyeom deadpanned, and immediately regretted it. Had he forgotten just who he was talking to?

Bam quirked a brow, his hands in the pockets of his dress pants. There was something so degrading about the expression on the man's face, as if just that look in his eyes was enough to break Yugyeom down. "Just a coffee boy?" Bam pursed his lips and pretended to think for a moment. "Let me guess. You started working here a while back, thinking it would be easier to get into the music business if you got your foot in the door. Getting a job in the cafe was easy enough, so that's what you did. And now, here you are  ─ what?  ─ a year or so later? Still 'just a coffee boy', not any closer to achieving your dream than you were when you first started. Am I close?"

Yugyeom hadn't realized he was grinding his teeth until he felt the ache in his jaw. Who was this man to speak down to him like this? He knew nothing about Yugyeom  ─ but then, somehow he knew everything.

Bam smirked. "Thought so," he said. "I guess you are just a coffee boy."

Watching him walk away was the hardest thing Yugyeom had ever done. He wanted nothing more than to knock that smirk from Bam's face, but he knew he couldn't. Yugyeom couldn't lose this job, he couldn't throw away everything just for the small satisfaction of putting a rich asshole in his place. It wasn't worth it in the long run. So Yugyeom took a deep breath and tried to ignore the fact that Bam was right: he was just a coffee boy.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha ha, rip.

It was the last thing he expected. Jaebum hadn't spoken to his parents in years, since he left home to go to college. Honestly, that was the way everyone seemed to prefer it, though Jaebum would be lying if he said he didn't yearn for a simple relationship with his family. Didn't everyone want that? However, he'd accepted long ago that Youngjae was his only family now and he was okay with that. JB loved the younger boy as if he were truly his brother, and they were all each other really had. He was fine with that.

So why was his sister calling him now?

Jaebum's heart plummeted to his feet, which had stopped halfway to home. He was stood in the middle of the sidewalk, staring down at his ringing cell phone with a mix of dread and that annoying little spark of hope that he couldn't seem to get rid of. Did his family finally want to forgive him and welcome him home? Had they found out what had happened to his brother all those years ago? Both options equally as likely, meaning he knew that wasn't what his sister was calling about.

Just as Jaebum was about answer, his hands shaking, voicemail picked up the call. He breathed, relieved to not have to speak to his sister, but his heart was still racing as he dialed his voicemail, not at all prepared for what he heard next.

" _Jaebum, you need to come home_ ," Kyung-Soo said, her voice thick. " _It's Mom. I don't...Come home. Please._ "

Something was clearly wrong. But, as much as Jaebum wanted to run home to his family and as much as he wanted to run home to Youngjae, he stood, frozen. Did he really want to face whatever it was that waiting for him back at his old home? That feeling of rejection and regret would still be just as thick in the air as it had been that first day, when his brother had disappeared. Jaebum knew that. He knew that his parents and his sister still blamed him, knew that Kyung-Soo wouldn't be calling him if it weren't an absolute emergency. They'd gone almost two years without speaking him, so Jaebum knew that something had to be wrong now, for his sister to swallow her pride and hatred and call him.

Gritting his teeth and trying to slow his racing heart, Jaebum hailed a cab and headed for his parents' house. He would have about an hour to prepare himself for whatever it was he was about to face. He wasn't sure that would be enough time.

* * *

The house was just as he remembered it. In fact, almost nothing had changed. The front gate still squeaked too loudly when you opened it, the walk was still cracked, with weeds growing up. It was clear to Jaebum that his parents had continued to let things go, even after he'd left. Since the disappearance of his brother, things had obviously never been the same. His mother had fallen into a depression and his father had began neglecting his duties around the house. Jaebum had been there to pick up the slack, but once he'd gotten accepted to college, he had jumped at the chance to get out of there, away from the weight that had been dragging him down.

Now, as Jaebum knocked on the door, he found that he wanted to run away again. His palms were clammy and his stomach was in knots, heart pounding away behind his ribcage. If he turned around now, maybe he wouldn't have to face whatever was on the other side of that door.

Jaebum turned away, but the door opened and he heard his sister's voice. "About time you showed up," Kyung-Soo said.

Ducking his head, JB swallowed. There was something twisting in his chest. The familiar feeling of rejection that he got when he was around his family, that tightening of guilt at remembering his brother. And now, the guilt of having neglected his family for two years. He knew this was ridiculous; if Jaebum's family really wanted anything to do with him, they would have contacted him and made him feel _wanted_. But they hadn't. So why was Kyung-Soo making Jaebum feel as if this was his fault, too?

JB turned to face his sister. Her hair was shorter, but that was all that was different. That same disgusted expression was on her face, the only expression Jaebum could remember seeing there since that fateful day. He took a deep breath and entered the house.

"Why did you call me?" he asked his older sister.

"Mom's dying," Kyung-Soo stated simply. "And with Dad gone, I don't know what I'm going to do─"

Jaebum held up his hand to stop her. "Dad's gone? Where did he go?"

Kyung-Soo sighed heavily and ran a hand through her hair in exasperation. "He died, Jaebum."

Surely, he had misheard her. There was no way that his dad had...died? Would his mom and sister really have kept that from him? What kind of person did that? Jaebum couldn't breathe; he leaned against the back of the couch for support. Sure, things with his father had been rough, just like they were with his mother and sister, but he'd still loved the man.

"How long?" Jaebum asked, unable to look at his sister just then.

"Next month will make a year."

He tried to hold back, he really did. But this was too much. "Why didn't anyone tell me?" he asked, gritting his teeth, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay. "Why didn't you tell me my father was dying?" Jaebum nearly yelled.

"It was a car accident," Kyung-Soo replied calmly. "There's nothing you could have done."

"I could have been with my family! I could have paid my respects to _my father_!"

Kyung-Soo stared at Jaebum coldly. "He didn't want you to." It was like a slap to Jaebum's face. "He blamed you, JB. We all do. Why couldn't you just walk him home that day like you were supposed to! You caused all of this!"

The tears had spilled over by now, but all the anger Jaebum had felt just moments before had dissipated. Now, he felt small under the weight of his sister's cold glare and her anger. He'd known this was how she felt, how his parents felt, for years. He'd just never expected to actually hear any of them say it out loud. Hearing it now, he realized this was far worse than everything else he'd lived with up to this point. Jaebum would much rather live with their hatred in silence than have to hear it. This made it so much more real. There was no going back from this. But Kyung-Soo didn't seem to care.

"You're the reason our brother is gone. You're the reason our mom fell into depression and doesn't even get out of bed anymore. You're the reason our father turned into a drunk and wrecked that night. You killed our brother, you killed our father, and now you've killed our mom." Kyung-Soo shook her head, not caring that Jaebum was silently crying only a few feet away. "You're a poison, Jaebum. You should go. I thought seeing you would somehow make things better, but I realize that was stupid. No one wants you here. As far as I'm concerned, I lost both brothers that day."

 


	8. Chapter 8

Jinyoung didn't want to go home. He could barely stand to be there anymore these days. His father was never home, always either working or with his new fiancee, leaving Jinyoung and Bam alone. Well, they were never really alone, not with Bam's neverending stream of men and women alike. It wasn't Jinyoung's place to judge his brother for his escapades; that was none of his business. But it seemed that Bam's degrading attitude always multiplied when he had someone around to brag to, or to embarrass Jinyoung in front of.

He wasn't entirely sure where he was going, he was just driving at this point. The moon was high in the sky, the road almost empty, seeing as it was nearly two in the morning. Jinyoung had been driving around aimlessly for hours. It was stupid. He knew he should just go home, ignore his brother and whatever partner he'd brought home that night. Jinyoung needed sleep for work the next morning, not to mention he still had homework. After getting approved for the internship, Jinyoung and Jaebum had switched all their classes to online, but they still had little time to actually do their work. Jinyoung knew he would regret staying out all night in the morning, but for now, he would rather be just about anywhere than near Bam.

Jinyoung sighed to himself, preparing to simply get a hotel room for the night, when he spotted him. At first, he wasn't sure, but another glance told him that it was, in fact, Jaebum. He was stumbling down the sidewalk, his hood up. Jinyoung nearly kept driving, knowing that he was probably the last person Jaebum wanted to see, but something made him pull over and get out of the car. Jaebum was clearly drunk and Jinyoung wanted to make sure he got home safely.

That was the excuse he gave himself anyway.

Jinyoung caught up to Jaebum and stopped him with a hand on his arm. When he looked the boy in the eyes, he could immediately tell that JB had been crying. His brown eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, his cheeks pink, though that could have been from the alcohol. Speaking of alcohol, Jinyoung could smell it all over Jaebum. Something had happened, but it wasn't his place to inquire about what.

"Come on," Jinyoung said, trying to lead Jaebum in the direction of his waiting car.

Jaebum pulled away, nearly falling backwards in the process; Jinyoung grabbed his arm again, only for Jaebum to yank it away a second time. "Go away," he said, his words slurred.

Jinyoung pursed his lips. He really wasn't in the mood for Jaebum's sour attitude tonight. "Get in the car," he repeated sternly. "I'm not asking."

For a moment, Jaebum just looked at him, clearly surprised, before scoffing and stumbling towards the car. "Fine," he replied. "Someone's grumpy."

After Jaebum has successfully gotten himself into the car, Jinyoung closed the door after him and climbed back into the driver's seat. The smell of alcohol radiating from Jaebum was starting to make his stomach churn, but he simply cracked the window and ignored it. Part of him wanted to ask what had happened? What could have happened to make Jaebum ─ one of the most put-together people Jinyoung knew  ─ seemingly fall apart? Then again, Jinyoung knew how JB felt about him. It was quite obvious. Even if Jinyoung asked, it was highly unlikely that Jaebum would tell him.

Still. Maybe Jaebum just needed to talk to someone.

"Do you wanna tell me what happened?" Jinyoung asked cautiously, keeping his gaze focused on the road.

Jaebum chuckled sourly beside him, slouching down in his seat. "Why would I tell you anything?" he retorted.

"Fair enough. Just thought you might want to talk to someone who doesn't know or care."

Jinyoung glanced over to see Jaebum staring at him. There wasn't much light in the car, aside from the dash lights and the passing streetlights every few seconds, but Jinyoung could still see the pain in Jaebum's eyes. He wished he could ease it, wished he could take it away entirely, but that seemed unlikely when Jaebum wouldn't even talk to him.

"My dad died," Jaebum finally said, sighing and returning his eyes to the road in front of them.

"I'm sorry," Jinyoung said quietly.

"He died a year ago." Jinyoung was prepared to ask Jaebum what he was talking about, but JB continued. "I haven't spoken to my family in nearly two years because of what happened. My dad died and no one even told me. I just found out."

Jinyoung wasn't entirely sure of what to say. He'd never really been good with emotions  ─ his own or anyone else's. "What happened? Why haven't you spoken to them?" Jinyoung asked, figuring it was better to keep JB talking.

Jaebum leaned his head against the passenger window. "I'm the reason my brother disappeared. It happened when I was thirteen and they never forgave me for it. I never forgave myself, either. Anyway, my sister just told me everything I already knew. It's my fault my father's dead, it's my fault my mom is dying. It's my fault my brother is gone and we'll never know what happened to him. Everything she said is true. I'm just too weak to handle it, so I got wasted instead."

Jinyoung swallowed, gritting his teeth. How could Jaebum's sister say those things to him? "It wasn't your fault," Jinyoung said, sending Jaebum a look that said he meant it. "If she really believes it was and if she said those things to you, then she doesn't deserve to have you in her life."

A snort from Jaebum made Jinyoung realize what he'd just said, how he'd just acted. He wasn't supposed to be so passionate about Jaebum, he was supposed to despise him. It was easier that way, right? Besides, Jaebum was far from nice to Jinyoung, anyway. What was there to like?

"Thanks," Jaebum said, "but you don't even know the details. If you did, you'd agree that it was my fault."

"No, I wouldn't."

"My house is here, on the right," Jaebum said.

Jinyoung pulled up to the quaint building and stopped. He undid his seatbelt, preparing to help Jaebum to his door, but Jaebum shook his head. "I can make it," he said, getting out of the car. "Oh," he added, leaning down to look at Jinyoung, "don't mention any of this again. We still hate each other until you tell me why you got me that internship." Jinyoung nodded once as Jaebum shut the car door and started for his house.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: talks of abuse, alcohol, panic attacks.
> 
> God, I'm terrible.

Youngjae heard him come in around three in the morning. He'd been up, waiting around, worried. Every time he'd called Jaebum, he'd been met with the boy's voicemail, every text had been ignored. Youngjae had known Jaebum was going back to his parents' house, he'd told him that much when he was in the cab. But that had been the last thing Youngjae had heard from his friend, and he'd been worried sick all night.

Now, as Youngjae got up from the couch, his stomach was sick with worry. He met Jaebum at the door, catching him as he stumbled. The all too familiar scent of alcohol was all over his best friend, bringing back all the terrible memories from Youngjae's childhood. All the beatings and the fights, the nights he'd sat up and cried, wishing for it all to end. Youngjae's heart was fluttering frantically in his chest as his brain struggled to deal with the triggered memories. Had Jaebum been anyone else, Youngjae would have left him to fend for himself. Be that as it were, Jaebum was basically Youngjae's brother. And so, he swallowed his painful memories, trying to fight back the panic attack that was threatening to overtake him, as he helped Jaebum into bed.

"I'm sorry," Jaebum mumbled as he buried his face in the pillow.

Youngjae pulled the covers up to Jaebum's chin. "I know," he replied quietly.

The house was silent again as Youngjae closed Jaebum's bedroom door and walked to his own room, clicking the door shut after him. Now that he was alone and Jaebum was safely tucked away in his bed, Youngjae's panic returned. His heart was racing, and he couldn't catch his breath. All he could see was the pain he'd been through growing up. His father's booming voice, shouting about this or that. His mother's desperate pleas for him to leave Youngjae alone and hit her instead.

Youngjae pulled his knees up to his chest and tried to take deep breaths. He was fine now. He was away from all that. He was safe. Jaebum was safe, he was just in the other room. Something had obviously happened, but they would both make it through. They'd already overcome so much together, they could overcome this, too.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been there, in that same position, his mind flashing back to the night that everything changed. There were dried tears on his cheeks as the sun peeked through the window, lighting the room with a yellow glow. At least the panic attack had passed, but Youngjae didn't want to move, didn't want to think. All he wanted was out of his head, away from those memories. He'd done so well at avoiding them, but something about the way Jaebum had come dragging in the night before, smelling of alcohol, had triggered Youngjae in the worst way.

He wasn't sure he could get back to normal again.

There was a thump and then Youngjae vaguely registered footsteps padding to his door. "Ugh, my head is poun ─" Jaebum's eyes landed on Youngjae and he froze. "Youngjae, what's wrong?" he asked, forgetting his headache and rushing over to his best friend.

Youngjae met Jaebum's worried gaze. "What happened to you last night?" he asked, his voice shaking.

"Kyung-Soo and I had a fight, so I had a drink to take my mind off it," Jaebum explained. "But I ended up drinking too much." Jaebum closed his eyes and sighed in realization of what he'd inadvertently done to his best friend. "Youngjae, I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking."

Youngjae shook his head. "You could have just come home and talked to me, Jaebum. You didn't have to do that."

Jaebum ran a hand through his hair. "Did you sleep at all?" He already knew the answer. "Look, just get some rest. I'll stay home today and ─"

"No," Youngjae said, glaring up at JB. "Go. I don't want you here today. Just go."

Jaebum felt as if he'd just been slapped. "Youngjae, I'm sorry," he said again. "Please, I'll ─"

"Just go, Jaebum. I don't want to see you right now." Youngjae looked away, burying his head in his hands.

Jaebum wanted to wrap his friend in a hug, to hold him until he was okay again, but he respected Youngjae's wishes and got dressed, leaving the house. Why was he doing this to himself? Why was he ruining everything with everyone? Maybe Kyung-Soo had been right. Maybe Jaebum was a poison, tainting everything around him. He'd just hurt the most important person in his life because he'd been selfish, not thinking about what his drinking would do to Youngjae.

The JYP building was strangely intimidating today as Jaebum took the elevator to his usual floor. When he arrived, Misoo and Jinyoung were waiting for him outside their usual conference room. Jaebum knew he must look like hell. He hadn't showered and probably still smelled of booze, his shirt was wrinkled and his eyes were bloodshot. And that was just on the outside. On the inside, Jaebum was a bigger mess.

"What's going on?" Jaebum asked, ignoring what appeared to be a worried glance from Jinyoung.

"The producers you'll be working with are back today, but they won't be here until after lunch," Misoo said, completely disregarding Jaebum's appearance. "You don't have to be here until then." Misoo left Jinyoung and Jaebum alone.

Jinyoung was watching JB, his gaze intense, until Jaebum finally looked at him, annoyed. "What?" he asked.

"Are you okay?" Jinyoung asked sheepishly.

"No, but what do you care?" Jaebum replied, turning to get back on the elevator. He needed some coffee.

Jinyoung boarded the elevator. "After last night ─"

"I told you, we're not talking about that. Ever. You should have just left me alone last night. Maybe then I...Just leave me alone, Jinyoung."

Jaebum got off the elevator at the cafe, wanting to be away from everyone. But the person he couldn't escape was the one person he wanted away from the most: himself.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone Loves Puppies.

Yugyeom walked into the animal shelter a little later than usual, his hair a mess. He'd woken up late and rushed over, barely even taking the time to brush his teeth. Even if he looked out of sorts, he didn't want to miss out on any time he had with the animals. Soon, he would have to leave and get ready for work. He would probably see Bam again, because he was just that lucky, and then his day would be ruined. Again. Yugyeom wasn't sure why he let the man get to him so much; Bam just knew how to get under his skin.

"Sorry I'm late," Yugyeom said, walking past the front desk and to the back where the puppies were.

He froze. Kneeling there, a few feet away, in black jeans and a fancy dress shirt, was Bam. There was a black and white puppy in his lap, and he was...laughing. Yugyeom realized he must be dreaming. He was still at home, in bed, later than he even realized. There was no way in Hell that Bam would ever be caught dead in an animal shelter, getting animal fur all over his expensive clothes. Especially after he'd just cursed at Yugyeom for the same thing.

Bam glanced up at Yugyeom, his smile faltering. "What are you doing here?" Yugyeom asked him.

Shrugging, Bam stood, placing the puppy back in its kennel. "Thought I'd come see what all the fuss is about," he replied. "I was curious as to why you get up early every morning to come to an animal shelter."

"Don't worry, I'll be professional at work. You can go now."

Bam straightened his blazer and frowned at Yugyeom. "Look, I'm sorry about the other day."

Yugyeom nearly choked, but managed to keep it together. He'd never heard of Bam apologizing to anyone. "I don't need your apology," Yuygeom replied, giving a slight bow before walking away.

As annoying as it was, Bam stayed on Yugyeom's mind all day, until he walked into work that afternoon. He'd made sure to put on a clean shirt this time, free of any animal furs, and had actually combed his hair. He looked a lot more put-together now than he had that morning, but that was just on the outside. On the inside, Yugyeom was a mess of butterflies and confusion. Bam's apology had been weighing on his mind. The man never apologized, he never felt an ounce of remorse for anything ─ at least, that was what Yugyeom had heard. It was common knowledge that Bam was a man who said what he meant and meant what he said. So why would he have apologized for saying those things to Yugyeom? He'd clearly meant them, and Yugyeom didn't think Bam had a conscience.

Shaking his head, trying to rid it of thoughts of Bam altogether, Yugyeom clocked in and tied on his apron. Today was shaping up to be a weird one already and Yugyeom just wanted to get his shift over with and go home. He didn't have work the next day and seriously needed to work on his music. The goal was to have a demo put together by the end of the month. And then...somehow get it to the CEO. He was still working on that part of the plan.

Yugyeom stopped, realizing that everything Bam had said before was right. He hated it.

"Sunflower Boy," someone said. Yugyeom paid them no mind, focusing on filling the coffee maker. He wasn't working alone today, so one of the other employees could deal with the customers.

Someone tapped Yugyeom on the shoulder and he turned to see another employee, Mark, making a face at him. "The CEO's son is looking for you," he said, pointing towards where Bam was waiting on the other side of the counter. Yugyeom groaned quietly. What could he want now? And why was he calling him Sunflower Boy?

"You wanted to see me?" Yugyeom asked when he reached the register where Bam was waiting. "Also, my name is Yugyeom, not Sunflower Boy."

Bam smirked. "Your hair reminds me of sunflowers," he said.

"Can I help you with something? Like coffee, since I am just a coffee boy."

Bam frowned and at least had the audacity to look away sheepishly. Maybe he actually did feel guilty about the other day. Yugyeom knew that was unlikely.

"I said I was sorry about that," Bam replied. "I really meant it." Bam swallowed and he almost seemed nervous. "What are you doing tomorrow?" he asked quietly.

Yugyeom quirked a brow. He wanted to laugh in Bam's face, but that would certainly get him fired. Besides, this had to be some kind of joke, right? Why would the CEO's son, Bam, the fashionist, the richest asshole Yugyeom had ever had the displeasure of meeting, want to hang out with Yugyeom? Yugyeom, the kid who woke up every morning to go play with dogs, who came to work with dog fur on him, the kid was just a coffee boy. The answer was a simple one: he wouldn't.

"Tomorrow, I'm working on my music so I can finish my demo and get it to the CEO. Just like you said, because you know me so well."

Bam sighed, clearly frustrated. "I said I was sorry, okay? What more do you want me to do?"

"I want you to leave me alone." Bam opened his mouth to speak, but Yugyeom shook his head. "I have work to do."

Yugyeom walked away, not caring whether or not Bam meant his apology. The point was that he'd said those things at all. And now he was offended that Yugyeom was still mad about it? Bam had no right to be offended about anything, not when it came to Yugyeom. In fact, Yugyeom just wanted that guy to leave him alone. He'd been fine before Bam had showed up and made his head all confused.

_What is there to even be confused about?_ , Yugyeom thought to himself.

"I think he likes you," Mark said, coming to lean against the counter where Yugyeom was fixing the coffee.

Yugyeom snorted. "Yeah, right."

"He literally called you a sunflower."

Yugyeom looked at Mark like he was mad. "Because my hair is yellow. And that's a horrible nickname."

"Well yeah, he's clearly not good at nicknames. But he also clearly likes you. Maybe you should give him a chance."

"Maybe _you_ should give him a chance."

Mark laughed, which made Yugyeom smile. "I would, if it was me he wanted. I know you don't like him, and this might sound shady, but...if nothing else, it could help your career. He could get your demo to his father." Mark pondered it for a moment. "Actually that's a terrible idea. You shouldn't use him like that. If you don't like him, then just forget it." Mark walked away, but Yugyeom bit his lip in thought.

He had to do what he had to do, right?

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is actually pretty light-hearted.  
> Because I'm going to destroy you all later.  
> :)

Jinyoung was trying to convince himself that it didn't matter. Whatever was going on with Jaebum wasn't his business; he should just stay out of it. That was what Jaebum wanted, anyway. He'd plainly told Jinyoung to leave him alone, so that was what Jinyoung should do. If Jaebum wanted nothing to do with him, fine. They were no longer going to be spending all that time, closed up together in the conference room. Hell, they would probably barely see each other anymore anyway. Jinyoung should just let it go.

Cursing himself as he approached Jaebum, Jinyoung wished he could just let it go. But he knew that he couldn't. Damn him for giving a shit about this guy. It was so frustrating to care about someone who so clearly didn't care for him, but if it was something he could control, Jinyoung hadn't yet figured out how.

"Tell me what happened," Jinyoung said when he reached Jaebum. The boy was seated at a table in the corner of the cafeteria, a steaming coffee on the table in front of him, his face resting on his arms. Part of Jinyoung hoped he was asleep.

Jaebum sighed and looked up at Jinyoung, who was surprised to see that there was little malice in the gaze. "I need to ask a favor of you," Jaebum said, totally disregarding Jinyoung's earlier statement.

Now, Jinyoung was really starting to wish he hadn't come over to talk to Jaebum at all. Who knew what the older boy was about to ask him to do? "What kind of favor?" Jinyoung asked, warily taking the seat across from JB.

Jaebum sighed and looked away, shaking his head. "Never mind," he replied. "I'll figure something else out."

"Swallow your damn pride and ask me."

"What's gotten into you lately? You were never this snarky before."

Jinyoung ignored the question. "Just tell me the favor, Jaebum," he answered instead.

Jaebum licked his lips, his teeth grazing over them; Jinyoung glanced down at the table. "Before I ask this, just know that I really don't want to," Jaebum explained. "But I don't have a lot of options right now, and ─"

"Jaebum. Trust me, I know it's killing you to ask me for _anything_ , but if you don't spit it out ─"

"Okay okay." Jaebum rolled his eyes and sighed once again, stalling. "Could I ─ Could I stay with you for a day or two?" he finally asked.

Jinyoung watched as Jaebum quite literally died inside. He tried not to smile, knowing that would only hurt the guy's pride more, but then again, maybe that ego of his could stand to be deflated a little. Jinyoung cleared his throat, keeping his expression somber. "Are you going to tell me what happened?" Jinyoung asked.

"I'll tell you that I can't go home because it'll hurt my brother, and if you say I can't stay with you, I'll sleep on the streets before I go back," Jaebum said, his gaze never leaving Jinyoung's, never wavering. "I can't hurt him again, he's all I've got. I can't go back until he's ready."

Jinyoung nodded slowly. "Okay," he said, not pressing the matter. He'd much rather Jaebum stay with him than on the streets, especially in the part of town where he lived. "You can stay with me as long as you need to."

"Thank you," Jaebum said, looking a little relieved. He checked his watch and grabbed his coffee. "We should go, it's time to do some actual work." The smile on his face seemed genuine and Jinyoung couldn't help but return it.

* * *

"You want me to do what?" Jinyoung asked, looking up at Jaebum's house in despair.

Jaebum had made Jinyoung give him a ride to his brother's house, saying he needed to get some clothes. But now that they had arrived and were standing outside, Jaebum had suddenly decided that it would be better if Jinyoung went in and got his things. Apparently, Jaebum really didn't want his brother, Youngjae, to see him, afraid that it would only make things worse, and so he'd had the bright idea for Jinyoung to go retrieve his clothes.

"You know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important," Jaebum said. "But Youngjae doesn't want to see me and I'm not going to make him until he is ready. But I can't really wear these clothes to work everyday."

Yeah, Jinyoung knew that Jaebum wouldn't ask him for anything if he didn't have to. So maybe that was why Jinyoung made the decision to do what Jaebum was asking. Having him there, asking Jinyoung for any type of favor, was better than not having him there at all. It was better than having Jaebum hate Jinyoung. Which, he probably still hated Jinyoung, but at least he was being civil.

Sighing, Jinyoung took the list that Jaebum had scrawled out in the car and started for the door. "There's a duffel bag in the closet," Jaebum called.

Jinyoung stood at the front door and took a breath. He was out of sight of Jaebum, who was down the stairs, standing by the car. God, the things he did for this guy. Taking another breath, Jinyoung knocked on the door. He heard shuffling and then footsteps on the other side, and then the door opened. Jinyoung was face-to-face with a younger boy. There were dark circles under the boy's eyes and a frown on his face.

"Hi, I'm Jinyoung," he told Jaebum's brother. "I'm here to pick up some of Jaebum's stuff."

Youngjae nodded once and moved aside for Jinyoung to enter. "His room is at the end of the hall," he said quietly, walking away.

Jinyoung had no idea what could have happened between the two to make things this tense. What could have happened that made Youngjae want Jaebum out of the house for an indefinite amount of time? As much as Jinyoung wanted to know every detail of Jaebum's life, he wasn't going to pry. If JB ever decided to tell Jinyoung anything at all, it would be when he was ready. Jinyoung would rather Jaebum _want_ to tell him things.

The room was small. There was a bed in the corner, a dresser, a desk with a bunch of papers of lyrics and such, and a closet. The window on the far wall was closed, but there was a half-empty coffee mug on the sill; Jinyoung imagined Jaebum waking up and sitting there, staring out at the city. He smiled to himself. Jaebum seemed to live a humble life and as ludicrous as it sounded, Jinyoung was a little envious. He may have had the silver spoon, but Jaebum actually had someone who cared about him. Jinyoung would trade his fancy life for this in a heartbeat.

The list Jaebum had given him was crumpled in his hand and Jinyoung straightened it out before heading to the closet to find the duffel bag. After opening it up and putting it on the bed, he checked the list. Jaebum wanted his two button-ups, a white one and a black one, his other pair of jeans without holes (he'd recently had to invest in another pair), and some socks and undergarments. Jinyoung's face flushed at just the thought of rummaging through Jaebum's underwear drawer. He honestly hadn't even considered that he would ever be doing this, though now that he was actually about to do it, he realized it was obvious that Jaebum would want clean underwear.

Jinyoung opened the top drawer of the dresser to see only black and had to chuckle to himself. Why was Jaebum such an emo kid? Feeling his face get hot, Jinyoung reached into the drawer and took out several pairs of Jaebum's boxers, putting them into the duffel bag and zipping it closed. He looked around, suddenly conscious of what he'd just done.

Shaking his head to himself, Jinyoung slung the strap of the duffel bag over his shoulder and started for the door. He stopped halfway, noticing a picture tacked to the wall. He froze, before taking it down to look closer. Was that ─? No. No, that couldn't be. Jinyoung had to be mistaken. His heart racing, Jinyoung put the picture in his pocket and left Jaebum's room.

Youngjae was seated on the couch when Jinyoung made it out to the living room. "He's really worried about you," Jinyoung said, pausing. "I know it's not my business and I don't even know what happened with you guys, but he cares a lot about you. He even asked _me_ for help. I just wanted you to know."

Looking down at his hands, Youngjae sighed and nodded. "I know," he said quietly. "I just need some time."

Jinyoung started for the door again, but stopped when he heard Youngjae's voice. "Look out for him, okay?"

"Of course," Jinyoung replied.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: this chapter has talks of alcohol and physical abuse.
> 
> Youngjae, my lil noodle. I'm so sorry.

He was only six the first time it happened, but Youngjae could still remember it as if it were yesterday. Dae-Jung was the only father he had ever known, his real father having left his mother when he'd found out about the pregnancy. Youngjae had been born out of wedlock, something that was typically frowned upon, so his mom had been so happy when she'd met Dae-Jung, a man who didn't mind that she had just had a son. Youngjae had been happy, too, to have a father. He even called the man, dad.

Until that first time. Even at that young age, Youngjae could sense something off the whole day. Something was going to happen. His heart had been filled with dread all day long, though in his six year old mind, he couldn't describe it. Things seemed to be normal, so why was he feeling so off? Youngjae couldn't explain it and he tried to ignore it, spending time with his mom while his dad was at work, a normal Saturday for him.

Now, Youngjae couldn't remember what the fight was even about. But the memory of his father crashing through the front door was as fresh as the wound. Even now, thirteen years later, Youngjae could smell the alcohol all over him. Then again, maybe it was the fact that he'd smelled that scent a hundred times after that that made it stick with him. Youngjae remembered the way his had screamed while Dae-Jung grabbed her and pushed her roughly against the kitchen counter, yelling something that Youngjae couldn't recall. He remembered how his six year old self had been so brave that first time, trying to pull Dae-Jung off his mom. And he remembered Dae-Jung shoving him so hard that he fell a few feet away, hitting his head on the floor. He'd lost consciousness, but when he'd woken up, he'd still been shaking in fear.

That was the first time Youngjae realized life wasn't perfect. Not for him. Not for his mom. Youngjae continued to be his definition of brave a few times after that, trying to save his mom, but then the beatings had turned on him. Honestly, Youngjae didn't mind it. He would rather take it all in the place of his mom. But at sixteen, he'd had enough. He'd gotten that job and rented that apartment and told him mom that it was time for them to go.

It broke his heart when she refused. But what hurt him the most was when he told her choose.

Now, three years later, he still hadn't spoken to his mom. The fact that she'd chosen Dae-Jung over him had cut Youngjae like a knife. The wound was still deep and still fresh, but as he got off the bus a few blocks from his old house, he didn't care. All he wanted was to see his mom.

The walk from the bus stop was enough time for Youngjae to reconsider his decision to reconcile a hundred times over. He couldn't count how many times he stopped and turned back, only stop again and tell himself this was the right thing. Maybe this time he could convince his mother to go back with him. Maybe he could finally get her away from Dae-Jung and they could have a relationship. That was all he wanted, it was all he'd wanted for the three years since he'd left home. He just hoped his mom would forgive him for cutting ties.

Youngjae's old home looked much the same. Before things had gotten bad, his mother had planted flowers. But as time went on and Dae-Jung got worse and worse, his mother's happiness and will had deteriorated. That was why Youngjae had never really understood why she wouldn't leave with him. He knew she wasn't happy.

Love makes people crazy, he'd decided.

Heart in his throat, Youngjae knocked lightly on the door. There was a part of him, the part that was terrified of seeing his mother again, the part that was even more terrified of Dae-Jung, that hoped no one was home. But the door opened and Youngjae saw a tipsy-looking Dae-Jung on the other side. He hadn't changed much, either. Unfortunately.

"Well, look who it is," Dae-Jung said. "Nice to finally see you, Son."

Youngjae swallowed his fear of the man in front of him. He needed to be strong so he could fix things with his mom and convince her to leave with him. "I'm not your son," Youngjae said, pleased when his voice didn't betray his fear. "Where is my mother?"

Dae-Jung sneered and then laughed. "Don't you think you should've been asking that three years ago?"

"Where the hell is she?"

"She's gone, Son. Died. Not long after you left." Youngjae felt his heart about to burst. He was lying. He had to be lying. "Had no way of getting in touch with you, since you cut ties with everyone."

Youngjae shook his head and pushed his way into the small house. "You're lying," he said, trying to hold back tears. "Where is she?" He heard Dae-Jung sigh, but ignored him, opening door after door, searching for his mother. He didn't see a trace of her anywhere, not even her belongings. Youngjae choked on a sob as he realized that she wasn't there, and hadn't been for a long time.

All the anger and hatred he'd felt towards his stepfather suddenly bubbled up and Youngjae felt himself explode. He stalked out into the living room where Dae-Jung was still standing, looking bored, and grabbed the man by the collar, shoving him roughly against the wall. "You killed her, didn't you!" Youngjae shouted.

"Kid, you better get the hell off me," Dae-Jung said, his voice low and threatening.

Youngjae ignored him. "You killed my mother, you son of a bitch."

Dae-Jung shoved Youngjae away and the boy felt his stepfather's fist connect with his jaw. The metallic taste of blood flooded Youngjae's mouth as he was knocked to the floor. The tears that had been held at bay by Youngjae's fury finally spilled over. He couldn't breathe again, his chest tight with the weight of his agony.

"I didn't kill your mom, you did," Dae-Jung said. "It broke her heart when you left, when you wouldn't even talk to her. She was never the same, barely left the house. So don't drag yourself in here after three years and pin that shit on me. You had a chance to be with your mom and you blew it." Dae-Jung opened the front door. "Now, get the hell out of my house."

The ride home passed by in a blur. Youngjae nearly missed his stop, he was so lost. Slowly, he trudged up the stairs to his apartment, and inside. The silence was deafening as he remembered he'd basically kicked Jaebum out. Now, more than ever, all he wanted was his best friend. Youngjae closed the door, sliding down to sit on the floor, and dialed Jaebum's number.

"Youngjae?" Jaebum answered on the second ring. "Is something wrong?"

Youngjae immediately began crying again, hearing the worry in JB's voice. "Can you come home?" he asked desperately. "Please."

"I'm on my way."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, it was definitely weird to write Youngjae using curse words.  
> My lil noodle is too pure for this world.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: violence, mentions suicide.  
> This one is longer because I've been busy and haven't gotten to update in some days.  
> Also, rip my 2jae heart.

Jaebum had never been inside a house as big as the one he was standing in now. He'd known Park Jinyoung had grown up rich, but he'd never really cared enough to imagine just what that meant. Apparently, it meant a huge house on a hill overlooking Seoul, fancy cars, and just about anything else he could ever want. Jaebum felt that familiar tug of contempt in his chest, but pushed it down. He couldn't exactly be anything less than nice to Jinyoung right now, not after all that the boy was doing for him. Sure, he was still upset that Jinyoung was clearly hiding something, but he would deal with that later. Youngjae's mental health was the important thing at the moment.

Jinyoung was fidgeting as he led Jaebum into his house, dropping his keys on a table in the entryway. Jaebum wasn't sure why _he_ was nervous. He wasn't the one staying at a random coworker's house, a coworker he'd been a dick to since he'd known him. Jaebum was the one who should have been nervous, and he was. Jaebum had never imagined he would be kicked out by his best friend, his brother, for doing something as careless as he had. He hadn't ever imagined he would be staying with Park Jinyoung.

"So, uhm," Jinyoung stuttered. "You can sleep in the guest room. It's this way."

Jaebum moved to follow, but his phone rang. "Youngjae?" he answered. "Is something wrong?" It was a relief that his friend was calling him at all, but he could immediately tell from the silence on the other end that something was up.

Youngjae started crying and Jaebum's heart plummeted. "Can you come home?" Youngjae asked. "Please."

"I'm on my way." Jaebum hung up the phone and looked at Jinyoung. "I have to go, my brother needs me. Thank you for everything."

Jaebum turned on his heel to leave, but Jinyoung called after him. "Wait!" he tossed Jaebum his keys. "Take my car, it'll be faster."

The ride to his house seemed longer than ever, his fingers tapping impatiently against the steering wheel, his stomach a mess of worry. He had no idea what could have happened to Youngjae in the short period he'd been gone, but he knew that he hadn't ever heard his friend sound so distraught. With everything going on and how Jaebum had basically ruined all of Youngjae's emotional progress in one night, JB was worried about what Youngjae would do. He hadn't heard the boy speak of suicide in a long time, but that didn't necessarily mean anything.

When Jaebum reached their house, he got out of the car and ran up the steps to the apartment. The door was unlocked and when he entered, he found Youngjae curled up on the couch. There were tears streaming down his cheeks and his eyes were puffy, a sign that he'd been crying the whole time he'd been waiting for Jaebum to arrive.

Jaebum swallowed the lump in his own throat at seeing his best friend like this and went over to him, kneeling in front of Youngjae, his hand on his shoulder. "Youngjae?" he said. Youngjae didn't hesitate; he sat up and pulled Jaebum into a hug, crying into his shoulder. Jaebum rubbed his back consolingly. "It's okay, Youngjae. Whatever it is, it'll be okay."

JB wasn't sure how long they sat there like that, their arms wrapped around each other while Youngjae cried. Finally, though, Youngjae pulled away, wiping his eyes. "She died," he said quietly.

"Who?" Jaebum asked, keeping his voice just as low.

Youngjae sniffled and took a moment to keep himself from crying again. "My mom. She died. And I never even got to say goodbye. I never said anything. I just left her there to die with that..."

"It's not your fault ─"

"Of course it's my fault," Youngjae interrupted, looking at Jaebum like he was insane. "I should have made her come with me. Dae-Jung was right, I killed her."

At the mention of Dae-Jung, Jaebum finally noticed Youngjae's swollen and split lip. There was still dried blood around his friend's mouth and Jaebum realized Youngjae must not have been enough in his right mind to care. "Stay here," Jaebum said.

"Where are you going?" Youngjae asked urgently, grabbing Jaebum's hand.

Jaebum patted his friend's hand. "Just to get a cloth to clean your face, I'll be right back."

When Jaebum was alone in the bathroom, he closed the door quietly after him. His knuckles were white as he gripped the bathroom sink tightly, taking a deep breath. If Youngjae didn't need him just then, he would have already been on his way to beat the hell out Dae-Jung for laying his hands on his brother again. This was all too much for Youngjae. First, Jaebum coming home drunk, reminding the boy of all he'd been through at the hands of Dae-Jung. And then Dae-Jung himself, hitting Youngjae again, just like he'd done for years. Jaebum deserved to have his ass kicked just as much as Dae-Jung, so maybe he would pay the man a visit after Youngjae was asleep.

Taking another breath to calm himself so that Youngjae wouldn't see how angry he was, Jaebum wet a cloth and went back out to where his brother was seated on the sofa. Youngjae had stopped crying and sitting criss-cross-applesauce, his hood pulled up over his head, hands in his pockets.

Jaebum knelt in front of him and started gently dabbing at Youngjae's lip. His friend's hand came up and wrapped around his, stopping him. "I'm sorry," Youngjae said quietly.

JB shook his head. "No," he said firmly. "Don't you apologize to me about anything. I'm the one who messed up. I'm so sorry I put you through that, Youngjae. I knew better and I still did it. And if you want me to leave ─"

"No. Come home. I need you."

For a long time, the two of them laid together in Jaebum's bed, until he was sure Youngjae had finally fallen asleep. Jaebum had thought that perhaps the intense anger he felt towards Dae-Jung would lessen after several hours, but no. He was still furious, and he was still going to kick the shit out of that man for laying his filthy hands on his best friend.

Jaebum carefully slid out of bed, and then quietly out of the apartment, locking the door after him. He drove Jinyoung's car to the corner store, just down the road from his parents' house and Youngjae's old home. Jaebum tried to talk himself out of it, he tried to tell himself that this would solve nothing. It wouldn't bring back Youngjae's mother, it wouldn't undo all the damage Dae-Jung had done to the boy, and it wouldn't erase all the painful memories that plagued Youngjae everyday.

Getting out of the car and stalking towards the front door of Dae-Jung's house, Jaebum felt the anger and resentment bubbling inside him. For too long, he'd wanted to do this, to show this man just a piece of what he'd put Youngjae through. He wouldn't regret this, he knew that. Maybe Youngjae wouldn't like it, but Youngjae would forgive him. Jaebum was sick of waiting around for karma to do her job.

The door was (stupidly) unlocked and Jaebum found Dae-Jung sitting on the couch in front of the television. He had a beer in his hand and a grimace on his face. Dae-Jung knew who Jaebum was immediately, even though they hadn't seen each other in over three years. Good. Jaebum wanted the bastard to know who'd kicked his ass.

Dae-Jung stood when Jaebum walked in, but Jaebum swung and landed his right fist to the man's jaw. He heard a crack as Dae-Jung stumbled, but Jaebum wasn't finished, and Dae-Jung was ready to fight back. Dae-Jung ran for Jaebum and slammed him roughtly against the wall; JB felt his head spin as it hit the drywall. He grabbed Dae-Jung by the throat and pushed the man off him, hitting him in the same jaw again. Jaebum grabbed the man's hair and brought his knee up, hearing the crunch of Dae-Jung's nose breaking.

Dae-Jung fell to the floor, groaning in pain as blood poured from his nose to run down the side of his cheek. Jaebum knelt beside him, gripping his collar and hitting once again, this time in the mouth. His knuckles hurt by this point, but he barely noticed, the rage and adrenaline like a bright light, blinding him.

"Don't you ever lay a hand on him again," Jaebum said, his voice quivering with anger. He didn't need to say that he meant Youngjae  ─ Dae-Jung knew who he was talking about. "Next time, I'll fucking kill you."

When Jaebum got back to his apartment, he was surprised to find Jinyoung waiting on the steps. The boy was in sweats and a cardigan now, his hair a mess, eyes red. He looked tired and out of sorts, something Jaebum had never seen on him before. He kind of liked it.

"What are you doing here?" Jaebum asked stopping at the bottom of the steps, in front of Jinyoung. "Here are your keys, thanks for letting me use the car."

"You wouldn't answer your phone," Jinyoung replied. "How's your brother?"

Jaebum bit his lip. "He'll be okay. He's strong."

"What happened to your hands?" Jinyoung asked suddenly, taking Jaebum's hands into his own; Jaebum automatically pulled away, but Jinyoung's grip tightened as he looked at JB's bloody knuckles. "Come on, you can tell me what happened while I clean them up."

Jaebum pulled his hands away. "We're not friends."

"I don't care. It'll get infected. Now unlock the door."

Rolling his eyes, Jaebum unlocked the door to his apartment and directed Jinyoung to the first aid kit under the bathroom sink. Jaebum peeked his head in on Youngjae, who was thankfully still asleep, before going back out to the living room where Jinyoung was waiting. He let the boy clean his knuckles and bandage them without a word, glad Jinyoung wasn't pressing the issue of just how Jaebum had come to have the bloodied knuckles in the first place.

When Jinyoung was finished, he looked at Jaebum. "I won't ask what happened," he said softly. "But whatever is going on with you...maybe you'd feel better if you talked to _someone_."

"Are you a therapist now?" Jaebum asked.

"Why do you always do that?"

Jaebum frowned. "Do what?"

"Any time someone is nice to you or offers you help, you make a joke or some snide comment. Do you think I offer this stuff for me, just to make me feel better? I do it for you, and for Youngjae. Not everyone is bad, Jaebum."

Jinyoung stood to leave, but Jaebum grabbed his wrist to stop him. "I'm sorry," he said, and he meant it. "I don't want to talk yet, but if I ever do, I'll let you know."

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, worm?

He wasn't entirely sure what it was that made him love animals so much, but Yugyeom figured he didn't really need a reason, anyway. The important thing was that he had the animals at the shelter to be there for him when he had no one else. That's what they were for, right? To love you and let you love them? Most of the time, Yugyeom felt alone in the world. It wasn't that his parents didn't care for him ─ they loved him more than anything ─ but he had always had this feeling that something was missing. It was hard to explain and, to anyone else, it might even sound ludicrous. Sure, Yugyeom hadn't grown up with a silver spoon, but he had parents that loved and supported him. A lot of kids would kill for that.

These feelings often left Yugyeom feeling guilty or unappreciative. Everything this parents had done for him, all they'd been through on his behalf, it was supposed to be enough, right? He wasn't supposed to feel like he had this big hole in his heart, was he? Yugyeom honestly didn't know how the world worked or how love worked, or even how life was supposed to work. All he knew was that _something_ had to fill that empty space inside him or he was going to lose it.

Enter Bam. Yugyeom had caught up to him and agreed to hang out with him the next day. In fact, Yugyeom was with Bam now. The two of them were having ice cream, even as the leaves were all turning and the wind was blowing through their hair. It was still warm enough in Seoul for ice cream, but Yugyeom loved ice cream so much that he wouldn't have cared if there were several inches of snow on the ground.

Bam was everything Yugyeom wasn't. Rich, beautiful, smart. He had his whole life mapped out. Everything for Bam seemed perfect. It was a fact that got under Yugyeom's skin, something he used to convince himself that using Bam wasn't as bad as it actually was. Bam had everything. Yugyeom deserved something, too.

"I can't believe you gave up time to work on your demo to hang out with me," Bam said, looking down at the vanilla cone in his hand.

Yugyeom took a bite of his own chocolate ice cream. He had opted for the cup, knowing how messy he was. "Me either," he said jokingly. "I can never turn down free ice cream."

Bam smiled and shook his head. "I also can't believe you don't like sprinkles."

Yugyeom shrugged. "The chocolate is good enough on its own. No need to taint it with tiny colorful...whatever sprinkles are."

"Right. There's enough color right here." Bam mussed Yugyeom's hair, causing him to laugh and shove him away.

He froze. It was just a flash, there and gone in an instant. Was it a memory? A dream? His imagination? Yugyeom swallowed, frowning. This wasn't the first time this had happened recently, but he'd just shrugged it off as not having enough sleep. Between work, the shelter, and his demo, Yugyeom was getting less and less sleep these days. Maybe that's what this was.

The first time, it had been just a flash of images, gone before he even had time to register what had happened. Yugyeom had been serving the new intern at JYP ─ he didn't know his name ─ who always ordered hot chocolate. When the guy had told him that hot chocolate was good any time of year, Yugyeom had had a strange sense of déjà vu, and then the face of a young boy had passed through his mind, the same sentence leaving the strange kid's mouth, before it was over.

This time, it was the same experience, but that same kid was ruffling Yugyeom's hair. What was going on with him? Maybe these were just scenes from dreams he didn't remember having. That had to be it. Yugyeom cleared his throat, deciding not to think too hard about any of this. He needed sleep. That would solve this.

"Are you okay?" Bam asked him, snapping Yugyeom out of his thoughts.

Yugyeom looked down at his ice cream, suddenly not in the mood for it anymore. "Yeah, I'm fine," he replied. "Just don't feel so well. I'm gonna go, I'm sorry. I'll call you." Yugyeom stood, dropping his ice cream into the nearest trash can, and left Bam sitting on the bench, confused.

* * *

 

The rest of the day had passed by in a blur, but by the next morning, Yugyeom was rested and ready to forget about the strange images his mind had drudged up. He had more important things to worry about than whatever dreams he'd forgotten. They weren't important at all. No, what was important was finishing his demo and getting it to the CEO. And to do that, Yugyeom would have to apologize to Bam. He'd been unbelievably rude the day before, leaving Bam behind and probably very confused. Yugyeom had been confused, too, but now he was confident.

Bam's brother approached the register and ordered an iced Americano and a hot chocolate. "Where's Bam today?" Yugyeom asked nonchalantly.

Jinyoung shrugged and passed Yugyeom his credit card. "Said he didn't feel like coming in today," he replied.

Yugyeom sighed to himself, knowing that this was most likely because of how he'd acted the day before. He handed Jinyoung his credit card, but as Jinyoung went to put the card back in his wallet, a photo fell out, dropping to the counter. Jinyoung tried to snatch it, but Yugyeom had already picked it up, staring in utter confusion at the boys in the photo.

The boy from his dreams.

"Who is that?" Yugyeom asked quietly, pointing to the dark-haired boy standing next to a younger version of himself.

Jinyoung took the photo from Yugyeom and put it back in his wallet. "Thank you for the drinks," he replied and walked away, leaving Yugyeom with more questions than ever.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, waiting for the comeback: let's just write pain.

Jinyoung knew he shouldn't have been so surprised to see Jackson waiting for him when he got off the elevator. After all, Jackson was working with Min Lee, the producer Jaebum was shadowing. Of course he would be here. The only thing Jinyoung was really worried about was how Jackson would treat Jaebum. The first time Jinyoung had introduced the two, Jackson hadn't taken it well. Sure, he and Jinyoung were broken up, but that meant little to Jackson, who was trying desperately to win Jinyoung back.

Jackson approached Jinyoung, who was with Jaebum once again. His heart was still thumping a little harder than usual after his interaction with Yugyeom, but being with Jaebum for just a few minutes had calmed him. That was one reason he enjoyed being around the boy, even when the two of them weren't exactly getting along. Seeing Jackson, though, only made Jinyoung's pulse quicken; it always had.

"Jaebum, right?" Jackson asked, looking at JB. "I'm the artist you're producing."

Jaebum glanced sidelong at Jinyoung, before returning his gaze to Jackson and smiling. "Yeah, that's me," he replied. "Nice to finally meet you."

Jackson led Jaebum towards the studio, opening the door for him and motioning for him to sit on the couch. Min Lee, the actual producer, hadn't arrived yet, so it was just Jackson and Jaebum. Jackson took the seat by the soundboard, swiveling in it to face Jaebum. There was something slightly intimidating about the way Jackson was looking at him. Maybe it was the fact that his muscular arms were clearly visible, the sleeves of his shirt looking as if they'd simply been ripped off. Or maybe it was the blatant grimace on Jackson's face.

Either way, while Jackson looked intimidating, Jaebum wasn't afraid. He didn't know this guy from Adam and had no reason to have any sort of beef with him. But it was apparent that Jackson had something against JB and some things he wanted to say. So Jaebum sighed and leaned back on the couch, preparing himself for whatever was about to come out of Jackson's mouth.

"So what's going on with you and Jinyoung?" Jackson asked, his voice gruff.

Jaebum wasn't entirely sure what he'd been expecting Jackson to say, but he knew it wasn't that. "What?" he answered, confused. "What do you mean?"

"You and Jinyoung. You've been hanging out together an awful lot. He told me about how he was even going to let you stay at his place. So what's up?"

"We're just friends. Barely even that. He was just helping me out. I was...going through some stuff."

Jackson's gaze flickered to the bandage on Jaebum's knuckles. "I don't know you, but you seem like trouble. Jinyoung doesn't need that, okay? He needs to focus on his career and if you get in the way of that ─"

"If I get in the way of that, what?" Jaebum asked, sick of this guy assuming things about him. He raised an eyebrow in question. "From what I've learned, Jinyoung dumped you, so do you really have any say here?"

"What happens with me and Jinyoung is none of your business," Jackson said through gritted teeth.

Jaebum smiled sweetly. "And what happens with Jinyoung and I is none of _your_ business. I'm here to work, not get involved in a love triangle."

The door opened and Min Lee walked in. Jackson and Jaebum came to a silent agreement to push aside their problems while they worked together, but the tension in the room was palpable. Jaebum tried to push all thoughts of Jinyoung from his mind and just focus on his work, on learning his dream, but now that Jackson had brought it up, Jaebum realized that maybe he was right. Maybe there was something there.

* * *

 

Jaebum was exhausted. Who knew that producing could be so tiring? Then again, perhaps the tiring part was working with an artist who despised him. Jaebum wondered who Jinyoung was working with and if things were going as difficult for him. Probably not. Everything seemed easy for Jinyoung. For once, Jaebum just wished he could see a crack in the boy's perfect life. There was the strained relationship he seemed to have with his brother, Bam, but everyone had a complicated familial relationship. That was nothing special.

_It's really not your place to judge_ , Jaebum told himself. _Just because your life is totally screwed up, doesn't mean everyone else's needs to be, too._

Running a hand through his hair, Jaebum started for the bus stop. He needed to go home and check on Youngjae, who was doing a lot better now than before. Didn't mean Jaebum didn't worry, though. Youngjae was all he had. He'd already messed up once, and didn't plan on making the same mistake twice. Jaebum knew that his brother was strong and that he would make it through this just like he'd made it through everything else, but Jaebum also knew that making it through hardships was easier when you had someone by your side. Jaebum was Youngjae's someone, and vice versa.

"You want a ride?" Jinyoung asked, pulling up beside Jaebum.

Jaebum shook his head. "That's okay, I have to pick up food first," he replied.

"I can take you to get food."

"I don't want to be a bother, you've done enough for me already."

"Just get in the car."

Jaebum sighed, but found himself smiling as he got in the passenger seat beside Jinyoung. His earlier realization that maybe there was something between he and the boy came back and Jaebum glanced over at Jinyoung. He wasn't sure why, but Jinyoung had somehow become a friend, even though Jaebum had treated him like shit until recently. Jinyoung was persistent, he'd give the guy that much.

Jaebum cleared his throat. "Thanks," he said.

"No problem," Jinyoung replied. "But I do have to admit that I have ulterior motives." Jaebum frowned. "I have a personal question." Jinyoung swallowed, keeping his gaze on the road ahead. "It's about your brother."

"Youngjae?"

"No, the one that went missing. You told me about him that night you got drunk."

Jaebum rubbed the back of his neck and looked out the window. "Ah. What about him?"

"How old was he? When he went missing?"

"He was nine. Why?"

Jinyoung shrugged. "If you saw him on the street or something, do you think you'd be able to recognize him?"

Jaebum took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He hadn't ever thought about that. "Honestly, I don't know. I'd like to think I would, but it's been almost ten years. And anyway..." Jaebum trailed off.

"And anyway, what?" Jinyoung asked.

"I don't think he's alive."

Jinyoung stopped outside the restaurant and looked over at Jaebum, his brows coming together. "Why do you say that?"

Jaebum shook his head. "It's been almost ten years," he repeated. "And we never found even a trace of him. Why would I think he's alive after all this time?"

"Crazier things have happened."

"You're so optimistic. I wish I was like you."

Jaebum got out of the car to go order, leaving Jinyoung to his thoughts. He should tell him what he'd found. He should just tell him that he'd found his brother. But it wasn't that simple. What if Jinyoung was wrong? How many people would be hurt in this if he'd made a mistake? It wouldn't be only Jaebum, but Yugyeom as well, and their families.

Jinyoung bit his lip, making his decision. He wouldn't tell anyone, not until he was sure. That was the only way to ensure no one got hurt. He had money, he had power. He would find out the truth and then he would tell Jaebum. And if Jinyoung was wrong, no one would know a thing about any of this. No one would lose anything.

As Jaebum rounded the car and strapped himself into the passenger seat once again, Jinyoung prayed he was right. Jaebum deserved a family. He deserved everything.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate this whole fic.

It wasn't hard to find out where Bam lived. All Yugyeom had to do was ask Mark, who seemed to know a lot more than he let on. The CEO's house was a large one, positioned on a hill overlooking the bright city of Seoul. Yugyeom didn't drive, so he'd had to take a cab, which had cost him more than he'd been anticipating, but if he could fix things with Bam ─ for the sake of his future, nothing else ─ then it would be worth it. Yugyeom knew that he was probably going to have to make Bam really trust him, and that would undoubtedly mean talking to him about something personal. Aside from his love of music and animals, Yugyeom didn't really have anything to talk _about_.

Which led him to his dreams. Whatever Jinyoung was hiding, maybe if Yugyeom talked to Bam about it, he could help him figure it out. And telling Bam about something as personal as this would probably also make him trust Yugyeom more. Two birds, one stone.

Yugyeom shook his head at himself and sighed. He knew this made him a shit person, using someone's feelings to get ahead, but at this point, it felt as if he really had no other choice. Not if he wanted his dream of becoming a musician to come true. He'd been at JYP for going-on a year now and nothing had become of it. He wasn't even finished with his demo yet. And when he did finish, how was he supposed to get it to anyone important? Yuygeom knew that most demos just handed to someone would go unlistened to, probably tossed in the trash, or just forgotten in a desk drawer somewhere. Such was the music industry.

He had to do this. That's what Yugyeom repeated to himself over and over as he climbed the steps to Bam's front door and rang the bell. This was for his future. Bam would be okay, he wouldn't get hurt too badly when he found out. Hopefully by then, Yugyeom's career will have taken off and even Bam's bitterness wouldn't be able to bring him down.

Yugyeom cursed himself and turned around. No, he couldn't do this. It was too much. He wasn't this type of person. He knew people like this and he never wanted to be like them. Yugyeom stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jacket and started down the steps.

"Yugyeom?" Bam said from the doorway. "Where are you going?"

Stopping, Yugyeom realized he was already in too deep. The adoration and hopefulness in Bam's tone told him as much. Yugyeom bit his lip, cursing himself once again for what he was about to do, and turned to face Bam with a smile. "I thought you might not want to see me," Yugyeom lied.

Bam smirked. "Well. I won't say I'm not a little bitter about the other day. But you can come in."

Yugyeom climbed the steps once again and followed Bam into the large house. The warmth enveloped him in a warm embrace, a nice feeling after standing out in the chilly autumn air. Bam led Yugyeom over to the couch in front of the burning fireplace and offered him a drink, to which Yugyeom accepted. He would need one to do what he was about to do.

"I wanted to apologize about the other day," Yugyeom said, which wasn't a complete lie. "I just have some stuff going on and I didn't know how to handle everything. I'm sorry."

Bam passed Yugyeom his drink and they sat, facing one another. Yugyeom felt a little awkward under Bam's gaze, but tried not to let it show. "It's okay," Bam said immediately. "I get it. Do you want to talk about anything?"

_Here goes everything_ , Yugyeom thought. "Actually...I do. If that's okay?"

"Of course. I wouldn't have offered if I didn't mean it."

"I've been having these weird dreams," Yugyeom said. "I don't know if they're even dreams. They're like, just flashes of images and I don't know what they mean. It happened when I met the new intern a few weeks ago, and then the other day when you ruffled my hair. That's why I was so shaken up."

Bam frowned. "What kind of dreams?"

"They're almost like memories that I don't remember, if that makes any sense. It's me and this kid and I swear he looks familiar, but I don't know why, and it's so frustrating. And then today, Jinyoung was ordering and this picture fell out of his wallet and it was of me and that kid. But when I asked him about it, he just shrugged me off and left."

"Jinyoung? What could he have to do with anything?" Bam took a swig of his drink and sat the glass on the coffee table; Yugyeom did the same. He realized that he actually did feel better talking about this. For weeks, he'd been holding this in, freaking out in silence. Telling someone about it was like a weight being lifted, in a sense. "Are you sure the boy in the photo was the same?"

Yugyeom nodded. "I'm positive. But it doesn't make sense, I don't know how any of these things are connected."

Bam pursed his lips. "I'll talk to Jinyoung about it," he decided.

Yugyeom watched the man. He'd been nothing but nice to Yugyeom since they'd met at the animal shelter, and Yugyeom honestly was starting to wonder if this wasn't the real one, rather than the ass that everyone else saw at JYP.

"Why do you do it?" Yugyeom found himself asking.

"Do what?" Bam asked curiously.

"Why do you put on this facade at work? You're not really like that, you're not a stone cold, rich asshole. So why do you pretend to be?"

Bam looked down at his hands that were clasped in front of him, his elbows resting on his knees. "It's stupid, but...I feel like I need to prove myself. I'm adopted, I'm not really a part of this family. So I have to try extra hard to make my place. People have to take me seriously, and that means I have to be a dick sometimes."

"All the time."

Bam smiled, but still didn't look up at Yugyeom. "All the time. It's just, people can't think I'm this kid they can run over, you know? If they think that, if they see any weakness, then they'll take advantage of it, especially because I'm not Park Jinyoung's real son." Bam finally brought his eyes up to meet Yugyeom's, swallowing. "I don't like being an ass. But I have to."

"But you're not an ass to me, not anymore."

Bam shrugged. "You're easy to talk to, easy to let down my walls around, I guess."

Yugyeom felt his heart skip a beat. It wasn't just the way Bam was looking at him, or the romantic atmosphere. No, it was the fact that this was all fake. Yugyeom was a piece of shit who was using Bam's emotions against him, using his emotions to get what he wanted. If Yugyeom were to be totally honest with himself, he actually enjoyed Bam's company, liked talking to him and liked hearing about the real Bam. But Yugyeom was stubborn, and so he ignored that feeling in his heart and the butterflies in his stomach. This was all fake.

"I should get going," Yugyeom said suddenly, standing. "My parents will be worried if I'm not home soon." It was a lie. They both knew it. But Bam simply smiled and nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow, then?"

"Yeah," Bam replied.

When Yugyeom got outside, he found that it was raining. He pulled up his hood and wondered how the weather could mirror his emotions so well.

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: mentions abuse
> 
> This one's light-hearted.   
> But you know.   
> The Pain.  
> It's coming.

By the time Jaebum and Jinyoung arrived at Jaebum's house, the sun was beginning to set. Though he'd talked to Youngjae throughout the day through text, Jaebum still was worried. Youngjae was in bed when he entered the apartment, asking Jinyoung to put the food in the kitchen. Quietly, Jaebum opened Youngjae's door and peeked in on him, watching from the doorway as the boy's chest rose and fell in a rythm of deep sleep. The past few days had been pretty hard on Youngjae, and had definitely exhausted him. So, as much as Jaebum wanted to wake him and ensure Youngjae was truly feeling better, he let him sleep. It was what Youngjae needed.

Jaebum walked back out to the kitchen to find Jinyoung unpacking the food. "Where's Youngjae?" he asked JB curiously.

"He's sleeping," Jaebum replied. "He needs it."

Jinyoung nodded. "I'll get going, then."

"Wait." Jinyoung paused halfway to the door. "Do you want to eat with me? I have all this food and..."

A smile. "Yeah, I'd like that."

Jaebum and Jinyoung took their food out to the roof, laying a blanket out and having a picnic under the light of the full moon. Jaebum tried to convince himself that this was simply two friends having a meal together, nothing more. But the longer the two of them sat out there, telling stories and laughing together, the more Jaebum realized he was lying to himself. He saw the cracks in his facade every time Jinyoung would smile, always bringing a hand up to cover it. The way his eyes would crinkle slightly at the edges, the way his cheeks would blush red, even in the low light.

Biting his lip, Jaebum looked down at his hands. The bandage was still there and his knuckles were sore, a constant reminder of how that bastard had hurt his brother, but how Jaebum had at least made him feel an ounce of the pain Youngjae had been through. Jinyoung's hand wrapped around Jaebum's bandaged one and Jaebum's gaze followed as the boy started unwrapping it. His movements were quick and sure, but gentle.

"It was Youngjae's stepdad," Jaebum said quietly. He wasn't sure why he was suddenly ready to tell Jinyoung what had happened, but he found himself spilling the whole story. "I've known Youngjae since he was eleven, when he moved in next door. It was about a year after my brother went missing. Youngjae would always find excuses to come over, and it didn't take me long to figure out why." Jaebum shook his head and sighed. Jinyoung had finished unwrapping the bandages, but was now just holding Jaebum's hand in his lap, watching him in silence.

"I noticed the bruises a few weeks after Youngjae and I became friends. I begged him to let me tell someone, but he swore that he was fine. He didn't want me to tell because he was afraid his mom would hate him for getting Dae-Jung in trouble. He was my best friend, so I did what he wanted, and I kept quiet.

"The other night when Youngjae called me, it was because his mother had passed. That was three years ago, right after we moved in here. He'd stopped talking to her because she had chosen Dae-Jung over him, and that bastard told him it was his fault." Jaebum balled his fists, thinking about what had happened; Jinyoung squeezed the hand he was holding. "Dae-Jung hit him again and I don't know. I lost it. After everything Youngjae has been through because of that man...We both thought that was the end of it, Youngjae had gotten away, Dae-Jung couldn't hurt him anymore. But then he did. And I just wanted him to feel for a second what he'd made Youngjae feel his entire life."

Jinyoung smiled, but Jaebum could barely see it in the darkness. "I get it," he said softly.

"He's all I've got."

"No, he's not."

Jaebum looked over at Jinyoung, the light of the moon casting odd shadows across the boy's face. His heart was betraying all the things he'd sworn weren't real; with each beat, Jaebum had to admit to himself that somewhere along the way, his relationship with Jinyoung had evolved into something else. He wasn't sure when it had happened or how, but as Jinyoung leaned in and closed the distance between their lips, Jaebum knew one thing: he'd never felt like this before.

* * *

 

"What are you smiling about?" Youngjae asked, dragging out of his room. He stretched and plopped down on the couch beside Jaebum. It was early in the morning and the fact that Youngjae was out of bed must have meant he was planning on going in to work today.

Jaebum shrugged. "Well, first. You're feeling better," he said. "I've been worried about you."

Youngjae nudged Jaebum. "I'm fine. Now, why are you really smiling?"

"Jinyoung came over last night. You were sleeping when I got home, so he stayed for dinner."

"You two have gotten pretty close ─"

"He kissed me."

Youngjae and Jaebum both stopped and stared at one another for a moment, before Youngjae burst out laughing. Jaebum was confused, so he just sat there, watching his best friend laugh that laugh of his, until he was finished. What could be so funny about a kiss? Jaebum wasn't laughing, Jaebum was silently freaking out.

When Youngjae had calmed down, Jaebum said, "What is so funny? I'm freaking out over here."

"I just think it's great that you hated his guts a little over a month ago, and now you're kissing him," Youngjae replied with a grin.

Jaebum threw a pillow at him. "I hate you."

"Go live with your rich boyfriend, then," Youngjae replied, throwing the pillow back at Jaebum.

"What am I supposed to do? I'm gonna see him at work."

Youngjae shrugged and ran a hand through his mussed hair. "I don't know. Whatever people who are dating do."

"But are we dating? I don't even know. I've never dated anyone before."

Youngjae laughed again and stood. "Just go to work. It'll be fine."

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to yell about the comeback, but I've been doing enough of that on Quotev.  
> So. Instead, I'll yell about this story.  
> IT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN.  
> Okay, I'm done being an idiot now, happy reading.

After Yugyeom had left, Bam had sat in the living room, thinking about what the boy had said. Why would Jinyoung know anything about some random kid in Yugyeom's dreams? Even if they _were_ memories, Bam and Jinyoung hadn't known Yugyeom before the boy had started working at JYP the previous year. So why would Jinyoung have a picture of him when he was younger? It didn't make sense, so Bam sighed and stood, heading for his brother's room.

The room was just as large as Bam's, if not bigger, but there wasn't much in there. Bam hadn't been to the room since they were younger, when they actually spent time together. When they actually spoke at all. Bam would be lying if he said that he didn't miss those days, back when times were simpler and it seemed like they were actually brothers, back before Bam realized why he'd become a part of this family at all. But those days were long gone. Now, Bam and Jinyoung barely spoke, barely were even in the same room together.

Sighing, Bam walked over to Jinyoung's desk and started rummaging through the neatly piled papers, the drawers, the folders. He found nothing regarding Yugyeom there, so he started rummaging through Jinyoung's dresser drawers, searching his closet, under his bed, his mattress. But there was nothing. Nothing that could explain why Jinyoung would have a random picture of the coffee boy.

"Find what you were looking for?" Bam heard Jinyoung say from the doorway.

Bam stopped and released a breath, knowing he'd been caught red-handed. What was he supposed to say now? "No, I didn't," Bam replied, turning to face his brother. He was back to his cold facade, something he had always been sure to keep with Jinyoung, since he'd realized what he had been brought to the family for. He couldn't allow himself to even be close with his brother. "I believe you have what I'm looking for."

Jinyoung frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "And what's that?"

"Why do you have a picture of Yugyeom when he was a kid?"

Jinyoung raised a brow. "I didn't know you two were so close. When did that happen?"

Bam sighed. "Just answer the question, Jinyoung. You don't know Yugyeom, so why do you have a picture of him? And why is the guy from Yugyeom's dreams in it?"

"The guy from Yugyeom's dreams?" Jinyoung asked. "What do you mean?"

"He's been having these weird dreams or memories or whatever ─ look, I don't know ─ but he said you have a picture of him with the boy from his...dreams or memories." Bam released a frustrated sigh.

"It is him," Jinyoung said under his breath, but Bam caught it.

"What the hell are you talking about? It is who?"

Jinyoung ignored him. "Do you know where Yugyeom lives?" he asked instead.

"I can find out. Why?"

"Call whoever you have to call in the car. Let's go."

Bam still had a lot of questions, so he followed his brother to his car and called his secretary, asking him to find Yugyeom's address. Technically, this wasn't allowed, and Jinyoung wouldn't tell Bam what was going on, but it seemed urgent. Jinyoung didn't freak out over nothing and Bam had never seen him so...excited.

After Bam had put Yugyeom's address into Jinyoung's GPS, they rode in silence. Bam didn't ask again what Jinyoung was on about and Jinyoung didn't offer any explanations. The two of them hadn't been in a closed-up space together in years; the air was suffocating and full of tension. What did you say to your brother, who was practically estranged from you? Who you lived in the same house with, worked in the same company with, but had barely said two words to in the past month? Sitting barely a foot away from Jinyoung had suddenly made Bam realize that he missed having a relationship with his brother. But he couldn't let his emotions get the better of him. He'd built a wall between he and Jinyoung for a reason.

Jinyoung stopped outside a small house about half an hour later. Was this where Yuygeom lived? It was barely a house at all. That explained why he worked so many long hours. Then again, maybe Bam's privilege was showing. He hadn't been wealthy his entire life, but for the majority of it. Sometimes he forgot what it was like to be poor.

"Jinyoung, it's nearly one in the morning," Bam said. "Don't you think we should come back tomorrow? You'll probably even see him at work."

But Jinyoung was already opening his door. "This can't wait," he said.

Sighing, Bam got out of the car and followed Jinyoung to Yugyeom's front door. All lights were off inside, the house completely dark, but Jinyoung knocked on the front door loudly. Bam tried once again to convince the boy that they should go home and wait until the next day, but Jinyoung only shook his head, saying it couldn't wait.

After knocking for what felt like forever, the door finally opened, revealing a very tired Yugyeom. His yellow hair was sticking out in all directions as he rubbed sleep from his eyes. There was a very confused expression on his face as he looked back and forth between Jinyoung and Bam. "What are you guys doing here?" he asked sleepily.

"We really need to talk to you," Jinyoung said as Bam shrugged.

"We can talk tomorrow, my parents are sleeping," Yugyeom replied, moving to close the door.

Jinyoung stuck his foot out, stopping him. "It's about this." Jinyoung held up the picture and Yugyeom's eyes widened. He met Bam's gaze, but Bam had no idea what was going on, either.

Yugyeom was suddenly wide-awake and moved aside to let Bam and Jinyoung enter. The living room was dark, but when Yugyeom flipped on a lamp, Bam saw that it was quaint. There were two couches and a chair, a small television, and a doorway into the kitched just a few feet away. He decided that he liked it, and that it suited Yugyeom, who'd always seemed like he'd come from humble beginnings.

Jinyoung took a seat in the chair, while Bam and Yugyeom sat side by side on the couch. It was almost as if Bam could hear Yugyeom's hear racing from where he sat; he itched to grab the boy's hand, but refrained. Maybe now wasn't the time, he told himself, though he knew that the real reason he wasn't taking the hand of the boy he liked so much was because of his own fear of rejection.

"I found this about a week ago when I was at Jaebum's house," Jinyoung explained. "It was hanging on his wall. I recognized you, because Jackson had a bunch of pictures of you in his phone from when you guys were younger. He was always bragging to me about how your fathers worked together at the police station and how he'd gotten you the job at JYP to help you get your foot in the door. He talked about you a lot, actually, but I never really thought much of it. And then I saw this picture when I went to pick up Jaebum's things."

Jinyoung passed the photo to Yugyeom, who inspected it in silence. "This is the boy from my dreams," he finally said quietly.

"I don't think those are dreams. I think they're memories."

Yugyeom looked up at Jinyoung in confusion. "Memories? Memories of what?"

"I think Jaebum is your brother," Jinyoung said.

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love pain.

Yugyeom wasn't sure what to say. He had a lot of questions, but he didn't know where to even start. Was Jaebum really his brother? How had he come to be separated from him? And if Jaebum _was_ his brother, then which parents were his real parents? The ones he'd known his whole life, or the ones in the photo? It was too much and Yugyeom felt his chest tighten in anxiety. He was beginning to think this was just a bad dream and he would surely wake up the next morning, probably late for his time at the animal shelter, but certainly relieved.

Shaking his head, Yugyeom passed Jinyoung the photo. "No," he said. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Think about it," Jinyoung said calmly. "Jaebum's little brother went missing when he was thirteen. You can't remember anything before a certain point. It makes sense, Yugyeom."

Yugyeom felt a lump in his throat suddenly, tears springing to his eyes. Because it did make sense. But he didn't want it to. Bam's hand suddenly wrapped around his and Yugyeom glanced over at him; Bam squeezed, and Yugyeom knew he was saying that this was all up to Yugyeom. If Yugyeom didn't want to pursue this, if he wanted to just let it go and pretend they'd never told him any of it, he could. Maybe it wouldn't be fair to Jaebum, maybe Jinyoung would even tell Jaebum. But if Yugyeom didn't want anything to become of all this, it was his choice.

Suddenly, Yugyeom's heart felt heavy for another reason. "I need to talk to you, Bam," he said quietly.

Jinyoung stood, understanding. "I'm going to tell Jaebum tomorrow," he said. "He has the right to know. Whatever the two of you decided to do from here, that's up to you." Jinyoung walked out, leaving Bam and Yugyeom alone in the dimly lit living room.

"It'll be okay," Bam said softly. "You'll make it through this ─"

"I've been lying to you," Yugyeom forced himself to say.

Bam paused. "What?"

Yugyeom took a deep breath, not looking at Bam. "I hated you. You were just this rich asshole who thought he was better than everyone else," Yugyeom said. "But you were right about me, and it only pissed me off. So I figured I would get you back and also get what I wanted, which was to get signed. I started hanging out with you to get closer to you so I could do that."

Bam pulled his out of Yugyeom's and the few inches between them suddenly felt like a mile. "What?" Bam asked again. Yugyeom could hear the betrayal and the hurt there.

He couldn't find the words fast enough. "Listen, it was like that at first. But then you showed me this side of you that you don't show anyone and ─"

Bam stood, shaking his head, making his way for the door, but Yugyeom followed, grabbing his wrist. There was a pleading look in his eyes, but the pain in Bam's outweighed it. "You're right," Bam said. "I showed you a part of me that I don't show anyone else. And for what? So you could exploit that and use me?"

"Please listen to me, Bam. When I showed up at your house, I was leaving because I couldn't do it. I didn't want to do that to you ─"

"But you did." Bam pulled his wrist from Yugyeom's grasp. "You came in and you listened to me talk about personal things that I've never said to anyone, and you pretended that you felt the same way about me."

Yugyeom sighed. "I wasn't pretending. I was scared. Because I didn't _want_ to feel that way about you, I wasn't _supposed_ to. But somewhere along the way, between the puppies and the ice cream and the little moments, I fell for you. And it scared the hell out of me. So I told myself it wasn't real. But it was  ─ it is. Please."

Bam looked away, wanting to believe Yugyeom, but it was just too much. He needed time to think. "I gotta go," he said. "Jinyoung's waiting. Good luck with your brother."

* * *

 

Yugyeom didn't sleep that night. After Bam and Jinyoung left, he stayed up, curled up on the couch, wondering how his life had turned out this way. He'd just lost one of the most important people in the world to him, and he had a feeling he was about to lose two more. How did one ask their parents if they'd been kidnapped? What were his parents going to say? What if they said yes? Yugyeom's mind had raced all night, filled with these questions and so many others. If this were all true, what was his real family like? He'd seen another girl in that photo. Was that his sister? Was she nice, did she miss him?

He didn't know how to handle all of this alone.

There was noise from down the hall and Yugyeom sat up. His heart was pounding behind his ribs; he could feel it all the down to his feet. This was it. Did he want to possibly ruin the only family he'd ever known? What would he gain in return? Yugyeom watched as his mother rounded the corner, a worried expression falling upon her face when she saw Yugyeom. He probably looked horrible, eyes glassy from lack of sleep.

"Are you okay?" she asked, coming over and touching his face gently, feeling for signs of a fever. "Didn't you sleep? Are you sick?"

Yugyeom pulled away from her, unconsciously making his decision. His mother looked taken aback. "Mom?" he said slowly.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

Yugyeom swallowed; his throat was dry as sandpaper. "Are you really my mom?"

It was just a flash, barely there at all, but Yugyeom saw it. The look he'd been hoping he wouldn't see, the look that said Jinyoung was right. Yugyeom felt the anger in his chest, surprised that he wasn't crying as he'd wanted to do all night. It wasn't just anger at being lied to his entire life, or anger that he'd even been stolen from his real family. The truth was, this family had treated him well, and he loved these people. And that was it: that was what angered him. Because he did love these people and they were his family, the only family he'd ever known, and they'd betrayed him. In the biggest way possible.

"Of course I'm your mom," the stranger in front of him said a beat too late. "Stop acting silly."

Yugyeom stood. "Tell me the truth," he replied, his voice firm. "I already know that you abducted me when I was little. I've been having memories. I remember my brother."

"Those can't be memories. Why would you suddenly have memories about some kid you don't even know?"

"I don't have all the answers, but you do. And you owe it to me to tell me the truth. If you love me like you claim to, then you'll _tell me the truth_."

Yugyeom's mother sighed in defeat, tears springing to her eyes as she sat on the couch, motioning for Yugyeom to join her. "You're right," she said, and Yugyeom felt his world shatter. He'd been hoping that he was somehow wrong, but to find that he wasn't cut him like a knife. "I'll tell you everything."

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra points if you listen to [My Love'by Lee Hi] from the Moon Lovers OST while you read.  
> Enjoy :)

Jaebum was sure Youngjae was right. Everything was going to be fine. So he and Jinyoung had kissed? Big deal. Did this mean they were exclusive? Maybe, maybe not. Okay, Jaebum was honestly freaking out on the inside. But on the outside, he wore a smile, the happy sparkle in his eyes hidden behind dark shades. The Autumn sun was shining bright, the wind blowing lightly through his hair, the reds and oranges and yellows of the leaves already making their way to the ground to make way for winter.

When Jaebum arrived outside JYP, he spotted Jinyoung. The boy saw Jaebum and grinned widely, practically running to meet him. Well, that was a warm welcome; suddenly Jaebum wasn't as nervous as he'd just been a moment ago. The smile on Jinyoung's face had seemingly washed all of that away.

"Jaebum," Jinyoung said, stopping in front of JB, out of breath. He took a second to compose himself and then continued grinning. "I did it."

Jaebum smiled, confused. "Did what?" he asked.

"I found him. I found your brother."

The smile on Jaebum's face faltered. What was he talking about? Found his brother? Jaebum wanted to believe it, wanted to believe that his brother wasn't, in fact, dead like he'd thought all these years. But there were too many questions buzzing through his mind, too many things that just didn't make sense. He had to be dreaming, right? Maybe he was still back home, having not woken up yet. Maybe he hadn't even freaked out to Youngjae about the kiss; his alarm would go off any second.

Except his alarm wasn't going off. Because Jaebum was totally awake. And Jinyoung was standing right in front of him, telling him that he'd found Jaebum's brother. A brother who had been missing for nearly ten years. How? That was the main question that Jaebum had. How had this man that Jaebum had only been close with for a few months found the brother Jaebum and his family had looked for for years?

"What are you talking about?" Jaebum asked. His happy mood was now replaced with one of suspicion and discomfort. And the fear that Jinyoung was wrong. The fear that he was right.

Jinyoung's own smile faltered as he realized that Jaebum wasn't overflowing with the happiness he'd been expecting. "I found your brother," he repeated less enthusiastically. "Why aren't you happy?"

"How do you know it's him?"

"I know. I already told him last night." Jinyoung took out a folded picture and passed it to Jaebum; it was the missing photograph from his wall. The one of his family, the last photo they'd all taken together before his brother went missing. "I wanted to be sure before I told you ─"

Jaebum swallowed and held up the picture. "Did you steal this from me?" he asked.

"Well  ─ Yeah, I recognized the boy and I wanted to find out ─"

"This wasn't yours to take." Jaebum could barely contain the sudden onset of emotion. He wasn't even sure what he was feeling. Pain? Anger? Sadness? Joy? He should be happy, right? But right now, he was just afraid.

Jinyoung's frown deepened; he was confused. Why was Jaebum so angry with him? He thought he'd be happy. "Jaebum, I was trying to help."

"That wasn't your place. This is my life, Jinyoung. I didn't barge into your life and try to fix whatever screwed up relationship you have with your brother. I left it alone, because it's none of my business. And that's what you should have done."

"Jaebum, your brother _is alive_. Why aren't you happy about that?"

"Because if he's alive, then all of this shit was for nothing!" Jaebum felt a weight lift off his shoulders, he felt himself finally breathe air he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "My dad dying, my mom. Everything we all went through was for nothing if he's alive. If he was happy, you should have just left it alone, Jinyoung." Jaebum wasn't sure when he'd started crying, the tears now streaming down his cheeks to stain his white shirt. "You should have just left it alone."

Jinyoung wanted so desperately to wipe the tears from Jaebum's cheeks, but he didn't dare. Jaebum was clearly angry right now, but Jinyoung was sure it wasn't with him. This had to be a lot for him to take in and Jinyoung was willing to be his emotional punching bag until Jaebum was ready to confront everything. "I'm sorry," Jinyoung said. "Call me when you're ready to talk."

* * *

 

He hadn't gone in to work. Instead, Jaebum had returned home. Youngjae had asked once what was wrong, but when Jaebum hadn't replied and gone straight to his room, Youngjae had left him alone. Now, Jaebum was on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. The tears had eventually stopped coming and now Jaebum just felt empty. This wasn't how he was supposed to feel. He should be happy, right? He should go to his brother and wrap the boy in his arms, tell him how happy he was to finally see him again. He should take him home to their sister and their dying mother, finally able to have most of the family together again.

But Jaebum couldn't bring himself to move. Things had been easier before all this. Before going back home, before the internship, before Jinyoung. If he could go back and do it all over, Jaebum wouldn't have shown up at JYP that day. He cursed himself, knowing he was lying, letting his frustration and fear get the better of him. He was glad to have met Jinyoung. In fact, he wanted nothing more than to have the boy there with him now, to comfort him and tell him that everything he was feeling was valid.

There was a knock on his door and for a split second, Jaebum thought maybe it was Jinyoung. But when the door opened, it was Youngjae. "Are you okay?" his brother asked him.

Jaebum shrugged and fixed his gaze back on the stark white ceiling. "I'll be fine," he said quietly.

"There's someone here to see you."

"If it's Jinyoung ─"

"It's not Jinyoung," Youngjae said. "Come on."

Jaebum sighed and got out of bed, following Youngjae out to the living room. Standing there, hair a fading yellow, was the coffee boy. Jaebum swallowed, everything suddenly clicking into place. He wanted to run back to his room, but Youngjae's hand wrapped around his and squeezed, giving him strength.

"I think you're my brother," Yugyeom said.

 


	21. Chapter 21

"I think you're my brother," Yugyeom said. His eyes were puffy and red-rimmed, and Jaebum realized that this had all probably been far more difficult for this kid than him. Yugyeom had a whole other family, the only one he'd known for nine years, the only one he seemed to remember, jerked out from under him. Everything Yugyeom had known had basically been a lie.

Looking at the kid now, Jaebum slowly started to recognized his brother in Yugyeom's features. There was the little mole just below his eye and the shape of his nose. He knew it was stupid to beat himself up for not realizing it sooner; this whole time, Jaebum had been convinced that his brother was dead. The fact that this kid had the same name as his little brother didn't mean much. There were plenty of Yugyeoms in Seoul alone, and since Jaebum hadn't been looking for any sign of his brother, this yellow-haired boy had just been another stranger.

In a way, he still was a stranger. But something in Jaebum snapped in that moment. Seeing Yugyeom  ─ his brother, who had been missing for nearly ten years  ─ with his eyes red from crying, his lip quivering as he tried to hold back the tears again...Jaebum gritted his teeth and released his grip on Youngjae, pulling the boy into a hug. For a moment, Yugyeom hesitated, but when he wrapped his arms around Jaebum, his hold was strong. They stood there like that, both of them crying; Jaebum vaguely heard a door close somewhere and figured Youngjae had decided to leave them alone.

After Yugyeom and Jaebum had finally stopped crying and sat on the couch, Yugyeom had asked Jaebum to tell him everything about his  ─ their  ─ family. Jaebum told him about their sister, how she'd always slightly favored Yugyeom. How she would give him the leftover desserts when no one was looking, and how she would read him stories at night before he slept. Jaebum told Yugyeom about their parents, who both worked hard to support them. And then Jaebum told Yugyeom how they'd been close, up until Jaebum had let him down. At this, Jaebum broke down again, but Yugyeom patted his back consolingly and told that none of this was his fault.

When Jaebum was finished telling Yugyeom about their family  ─ mostly the good things, leaving out how his disappearance had affected them all in such a negative manner  ─ he asked Yugyeom about his other family. This was difficult for Jaebum, because he wanted nothing more than to go to the police right then and there. But he was trying to be understanding. Yugyeom had grown up with these people, he called them 'mom' and 'dad', he loved them as if they _were_ his real parents. To Yugyeom, Jaebum was a stranger. And though this all hurt Jaebum to his core, he pushed all of that down and listened to his little brother talk about the people who had abducted him a decade earlier.

Yugyeom told Jaebum about how his mom always made breakfast before going to work at the fish market all day. She hated the smell of working there, but Yugyeom loved it because it reminded him that he came from humble beginnings. And he was planning to make it big one day, he didn't want his ego to get the better of him. He told Jaebum about how his father was a policeman, which explained how they'd gotten away with taking Yugyeom in the first place. He explained that he knew Jackson and then quietly admitted that he'd kind of, sort of, fallen for Jinyoung's brother.

This fact made Jaebum smile. There was something about Parks, huh? If he had to leave Jinyoung alone in order for Yugyeom  ─ his little brother  ─ to be happy with the man he loved, then Jaebum would do that. Now that he was sitting here with the boy he'd thought dead for nearly ten years, Jaebum realized that he wouldn't take anything back, that he was glad his brother was alive. And that he would do anything to make the boy happy to have him as his older brother. To make him glad to come back home.

Eventually, Jaebum realized that he had to introduce Youngjae and Yugyeom. Just because Yugyeom had come home didn't mean that Youngjae wasn't still a brother to Jaebum. Youngjae had been there through it all, had been Jaebum's shoulder to cry on, the crutch that kept Jaebum from falling. Without Youngjae, there was no telling where Jaebum would even be, if he'd still be here to see Yugyeom again at all. And he wanted the two boys  ─ his two brothers  ─ be close as well.

Jaebum told Yugyeom to wait on the couch, while he went to Youngjae's room. He found the boy at his desk, pen in hand, scribbling away, probably at schoolwork or something. He had recently started school to become a musical therapist and Jaebum couldn't be more proud of him for accomplishing his dreams. Youngjae didn't look up until Jaebum cleared his throat.

"What's up?" Youngjae asked. "Did your brother leave already?"

Jaebum smiled. "No," he said. "I just. I wanted my _two_ brothers to meet. Properly."

Youngjae grinned and dropped his pen. "Okay."

Out in the living room, Yugyeom was twiddling his thumbs, but he stood when he saw Jaebum and Youngjae. "Yugyeom," Jaebum said. "This is my best friend, Youngjae. He's like a brother to me. No, he isn't like a brother to me, he is a brother to me. And I hope you guys can be close, too."

The three of them talked and had dinner together. Yugyeom, of course, wanted to meet his real mother and sister, and Jaebum promised that the next day, they would travel the hour or so home. He had considered calling Kyung-Soo and telling her that their brother was alive, but he knew she would just show up at his apartment, and, as selfish as this was, he couldn't handle her right then. Right then, Jaebum just wanted to be with his two brothers, happy.

But something else was weighing on his mind. Jaebum excused himself and went to the rooftop to call Jinyoung. What he wanted to say couldn't be said over the phone, so he asked Jinyoung to meet him at the little park down the road. It was time for Jaebum to finally tell Jinyoung just how he really felt.

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be updating again tomorrow in honor of the comeback, and also because I've slacked.  
> Also, I've extended the number of chapters from 25 to 26.  
> Someone said this story was getting too fluffy, so. I guess I have to fix that.  
> I was going to give you guys a happy last few chapters, but...guess I'll go with my original plan.  
> >:) it's what I wanted anyway.

Yugyeom's heart was in his throat. Today was the day that he was finally going to meet his real family. Honestly, he had been putting it off for days since he'd met Jaebum as his brother, but Jaebum seemed to understand. It was terrifying for Yugyeom to meet this new family, to seemingly leave behind the only family he'd known for the better part of his life. How would Jaebum's family ─ Yugyeom's biological family ─ react to his return? Would they be as understanding as Jaebum when Yugyeom told them that he still loved his mom and dad and that he didn't want them in trouble? He could only hope.

Jaebum was waiting outside his shared apartment when Yugyeom arrived. He had told his parents what he was doing today and tried to reassure them that everything would work out, that Jaebum's family wouldn't press any charges. But the truth was, Yugyeom had no idea. And telling his parents that they were going to be okay felt like a bitter lie on his tongue. At this point, all he had was Jaebum's word that he wouldn't let his mother or sister make this any worse for him.

"Are you ready?" Jaebum asked when Yugyeom stopped in front of him. Yugyeom's hands were stuffed into the pockets of his jacket, so Jaebum wouldn't see that they were shaking. He was as far from ready as one could be, but it was now or never. So he nodded his head.

Jaebum placed a hand on Yugyeom's shoulder and smiled encouragingly. "It'll be okay," he told his brother.

The ride in the taxi to Jaebum's old house was about an hour long, leaving an air of awkwardness and tension in the air between the two. It wasn't that their relationship was awkward, nor was it tense. In fact, Yugyeom and Jaebum had hit it off and Yugyeom had found himself wondering how neither of them had realized their connection sooner. No, both the awkwardness and the tension were due to the fact that neither of them really knew how this was going to go. Sure, they both wanted to _hope_ that Jaebum's family would just accept Yugyeom ─ and his parents ─ with open arms, but they also both _knew_ that that was highly unlikely.

And as much as Yugyeom wanted to know his biological family, he didn't know them. And so, losing them would be easier than losing the parents he'd known his whole life. He would let go of his biological parents if he had to.

When the taxi stopped outside of Jaebum's house, Yugyeom hesitated, fingers lingering on the handle of the door longer than they should have. The house was quaint, what he had been expecting, but it seemed sad. Empty. Lifeless. Is this what his disappearance had done to the family? Jaebum had finally told him about their father's passing and how their mother barely left her room, but no words from Jaebum could have prepared Yugyeom for the suffocating weight of the heartbreak hanging over this house like a dark cloud.

Jaebum stood outside the cab, waiting patiently, knowing Yugyeom needed a moment to gather himself and his thoughts. There was so much going through Yugyeom's mind and Jaebum was in no position to rush him, so he pulled out his phone and pretended to be busy while Yugyeom took minute to himself. There was a text from Jinyoung, asking to meet up, to which Jaebum replied simply, "My place at 7," and put his phone away. His nerves were raw, not only from this meeting with Yugyeom and their sister and mother, but also because he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say to Jinyoung.

How did everything get so screwed up?

Yugyeom took a deep breath and exited the taxi, nodding when Jaebum asked him if he was ready to go inside. He knew that their mother and sister weren't expecting them, and Yugyeom wasn't sure if that fact would make this better or worse. Would they even believe Jaebum when he told them who Yugyeom was? Probably not. Yugyeom hoped Jinyoung got the results back from the DNA test they'd done soon, otherwise, this all might be even more disastrous than they were anticipating.

Jaebum stopped at the door, taking a deep breath to steady himself. His heart was pounding in his chest as he was sure Yugyeom's was as well. The relationship with his family was a strained one, to say the least, but he hoped the fact that his brother was home would help that. However, Jaebum also knew his mother and sister and the likelihood that this would go smoothly was slim.

Shaking his head, Jaebum opened the door and entered the small house, Yugyeom following after him. Kyung-Soo was seated on the couch, a book in her hand; their mother was nowhere to be seen, presumably in her bedroom. Kyung-Soo glanced up when Jaebum and Yugyeom entered, the bitterness evident on her face as she looked at her younger brother and the stranger in front of her.

"What are you doing here?" Kyung-Soo asked Jaebum, putting her book down on the sofa and standing. She was barely as tall as Jaebum, but her presence was towering in itself.

Jaebum tried not to think about the last time he'd seen his sister, the words they'd exchanged and how they'd hurt him. He tried to focus on the fact that this encounter would hopefully be the last time this family was in shambles.

"Kyung-Soo," Jaebum said slowly. "This..." Jaebum trailed off, feeling small under the weight of his sister's hate-filled gaze.

Yugyeom wasn't sure why this girl seemed to loathe her brother so much, but he couldn't just stand there and watch Jaebum struggle. "I'm your brother," Yugyeom said. His hands were still shaking in the pockets of his jacket, but his voice was strong.

Kyung-Soo paused before her face contorted in anger. "Is this some kind of joke?" she asked Jaebum. "What? Is it to get back at me for what I said? Is that it?" Jaebum opened his mouth to reply, but Kyung-Soo kept speaking, not letting him get a word in. "That's disgusting, Jaebum. You know everything I said was right. It was your fault. And you can take this kid back where you found him. Don't come back here again."

Jaebum's phone dinged, signaling a message, as Kyung-Soo sat back down on the couch, opening her book once again. Yugyeom glanced over Jaebum's shoulder to see the DNA results staring back at them. A 99.9% match. Yugyeom watched a smile bloom on Jaebum's face, the first one he'd seen since they had arrived.

Jaebum walked over to Kyung-Soo and held the phone in her face. "He's our brother," he said. This time his voice was confident; they watched Kyung-Soo read the DNA results. Several emotions crossed her sharp features ─ confusion, realization, relief ─ before her eyes landed on Yugyeom.

Kyung-Soo handed Jaebum his phone and stood, her hands covering her mouth as tears flooded her eyes. She approached Yugyeom and stared at him, the realization that he was, in fact, their brother finally dawning on her. Yugyeom could see it in her eyes that now she was noticing the similarities between them. How they had the same nose, how he and Jaebum had similar eyes. And suddenly, Kyung-Soo broke down, throwing her arms around the boy and squeezing him as if she were planning to never let go.

Yugyeom awkwardly patted her back as he watched Jaebum walk down the hall, probably to get their mother. They'd made it this far. Now Yugyeom only had to convince them not to press charges against his parents. Judging from how Kyung-Soo was acting, that was going to be the hard part.

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, four days ago: I'm gonna update twice tonight.  
> me, four days later: oops.
> 
> Also, I love drama.

It took some coaxing, but Jaebum finally came down the hall with his mother. She looked terrible. Not that Yugyeom remembered what she had looked like before, but the dark circles under her eyes, the way her clothes hung off her frail frame, and the way her cheeks were sunken in was evidence enough that she wasn't doing well. Yugyeom felt a stab of guilt pierce his heart, as ludicrous as it was. He knew none of this was his fault, but he couldn't help feeling like he'd done something wrong.

Jaebum sat their mother on the couch beside Kyung-Soo, who couldn't keep her eyes off Yugyeom, the sparkle of disbelief and happiness there making Yugyeom a bit uncomfortable. How were the two of them going to take what he had to say? Probably not very well. Yugyeom's heart was pounding in his chest as he took a seat in the chair by the couch, Jaebum perching himself on the arm beside his brother.

"Yugyeom doesn't remember anything before his...other family," Jaebum explained slowly. "Probably due to trauma. Either way, this family that he's been raised by, they're the only family he's ever known. And I know you're both happy to have him back, but I think you should listen to what he has to say."

Kyung-Soo remained silent, but there was a hint of mistrust as she looked back at Jaebum. Was she still angry with him about Yugyeom being taken all those years ago? Even when Yugyeom was sitting right in front of her? It seemed so. As for their mother, she was staring at Yugyeom as if he were a ghost. And, maybe to her, he was.

Yugyeom licked his lips, biding his time, trying to find the right words. How did one beg in this situation? He didn't want to lose anyone, but he would lose this family before he lost the other one. And maybe that made him a bad person, but to him, these people were strangers. To him, those two people who had abducted him ten years earlier were his parents. They'd raised him and clothed him and fed him. They'd supported his dreams and put him through school. Maybe they'd gone about it all the wrong way, but they'd never been anything but good to Yugyeom. They were his family.

"I'm sorry," Yugyeom said first, though he wasn't exactly sure what he was sorry _for_. Maybe for what he was about to say. "I'm sorry that I wasn't here for everything. And I'm sorry for what my parents di _**─**_ "

"Your parents?" Kyung-Soo interrupted, the disbelief and disgust thick in her voice. "Your _parents_ searched for you for days, months, _years_."

"Kyung-Soo," Jaebum said warningly.

Kyung-Soo turned her glare on him. "You have no say in this. This is your fault."

"It's not his fault," Yugyeom said. "And yeah, those people are my parents. They raised me and they're the only family I know." Kyung-Soo rolled her eyes, but didn't continue. "I came here because I wanted to ask _**─**_ no, to beg _**─**_ you not to go to the police about this."

Kyung-Soo laughed, but it was a bitter sound. "What are you talking about?" she asked Yugyeom, before she turned her cold gaze on Jaebum. "Did you put this in his head? Did you make him think we were just going to stand by and do nothing? Maybe _you_ are irresponsible and don't care about this family, but I do. And I'm going to the police. Those people aren't going to get away with this."

Jaebum ducked his head and bit his lip. He was trying to hold back. He didn't want to fight in front of Yugyeom, whose first impression of their sister was already tainted with her bad attitude. Jaebum didn't want to scare him away from the family entirely. But that was proving more and more difficult by the moment.

Jaebum and Yugyeom watched as Kyung-Soo pulled her cellphone from her back pocket and started dialing. There was a look of panic on Yugyeom's face, so Jaebum snatched the phone from his sister's hand.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked angrily.

"You said you'd listen to what he has to say," Jaebum replied.

Kyung-Soo shook her head. "No, I didn't. You assumed. You always do. Just like you assumed he could get home by himself that day _**─**_ "

"When will you stop blaming me?!" Jaebum shouted, causing Kyung-Soo and even Yugyeom to jump. Their mother was still sat there, as if none of this was even happening. Jaebum supposed she really was too far gone. "I was a kid, Kyung-Soo! A kid! Do you think I haven't lived with that regret for ten years? Do you think you need to remind me how bad I fucked up? Because you don't. I've thought about it every moment of everyday for ten years. But he's here now. And alive. And what are you doing? The same shit you always do: taking your frustration out on everyone else."

Jaebum passed Kyung-Soo her phone. "It's up to Yugyeom if he wants a relationship with you, but I don't think he's going to be too keen on a sister who takes away the only family he's ever known. Do whatever you want. I have stuff to do."

Yugyeom stood as Jaebum headed for the door. "He's right," Yugyeom said to Kyung-Soo. "If you do it...you won't be my sister at all." And with that, he followed Jaebum out of the house, praying Kyung-Soo had a heart somewhere in there.

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.

Yugyeom had called Bam to pick him up, leaving Jaebum to go home himself. Youngjae had texted to tell him that Jinyoung was there already, so by the time Jaebum reached the door of their shared apartment, he had no time to prepare himself. The entire cab ride home, his heart had been pounding in anticipation and nervousness. Jaebum had no idea what to say to Jinyoung. He was going to apologize, of course. But there was no way they could be together now, not when Jaebum's brother was in love with Jinyoung's. The fact of the matter was that Jaebum was going to put his brother's happiness before his own. He always would, just like he'd done for Youngjae.

Shaking his head, Jaebum took a deep breath and entered the apartment. Jinyoung and Youngjae were seated on the couch, smiling and talking. When Youngjae noticed Jaebum, he stood and said goodbye to Jinyoung, retreating to his room. Jaebum was grateful that Youngjae was giving them time to talk alone, but at the same time, he kind of wanted his brother there for support.

Jaebum awkwardly motioned for Jinyoung to return to his seat and Jaebum sat beside him. The air between them wasn't exactly tense, but it was uncomfortable. They both knew what Jaebum wanted to say. That he was sorry for snapping, that he was grateful for what Jinyoung had done. That he loved him. And Jaebum planned to say all of that.

Of course, there was a 'but'.

"Jinyoung," Jaebum finally started. The boy had been patiently and silently waiting for what felt like forever for Jaebum to speak. Jaebum clasped his shaking hands in front of him, his eyes focused on them instead of Jinyoung, elbows resting on his knees. "Jinyoung, I'm sorry," Jaebum said. "I shouldn't have snapped on you like that. It was just...a lot at once, and I took it out on you."

Jinyoung's hand landed on Jaebum's; Jaebum brought his eyes up to meet the boy's. "It's okay," Jinyoung said, his voice somehow soft and firm at the same time. "I wasn't mad to begin with." Jinyoung removed his hand and placed his back in his own lap with a small smile and a shrug. "I was just waiting for you to figure things out. I knew you didn't mean what you said. And even if you had, I would have forgiven you. I've...I've cared about you for as long as I can remember." Jaebum swallowed. "Back in school, I was always in the background, you never noticed me, but I noticed you. And...I don't know...I just never got over it, never got over you. That's why I got you the internship, so I could get to know you."

Jaebum bit his lip and shyly looked down at his hands again. They were no longer shaking, but his heart was doing that thing it typically did when he was around Jinyoung. The fluttering in his chest thing.

But that didn't matter. The way his heart fluttered didn't matter. The way he caught his breath every time Jinyoung entered the room didn't matter. The butterflies in his stomach every time Jinyoung laughed didn't matter. None of it mattered, because Jaebum couldn't be with the boy. Even though Jaebum had stayed up countless nights, imagining the life he could have with Jinyoung, even though Jaebum wanted nothing more than to relive that night on the rooftop over and over again.

It didn't matter.

"Jinyoung, I want you to know that I'm grateful for everything you did for me ─ for us," Jaebum said, moving his eyes up to meet Jinyoung's. When he did, he saw the wavering doubt in them and Jaebum momentarily wondered if Jinyoung knew what was coming next. "But this ─ whatever we have ─ it can't work. As much as I want it to ─ and _God_ , I want it to ─ it can't."

Jinyoung nodded slowly. "It's because of our brothers, right?" he asked quietly. Jaebum remained silent; there was no need to answer. "I understand. I don't know. I knew this was what had to happen, but I still kind of had hope." Jinyoung shook his head. "Not that I don't want Bam and Yugyeom to be happy together, but...I wanted to be happy, too."

Jaebum felt his heart break, but he knew it would heal. Just like he knew Jinyoung would heal. He would find someone to be happy with (someone who wasn't Jaebum), someone who understood him (would they understand better than Jaebum?), someone who kept that beautiful smile on his face and made his own heart flutter in his chest (hopefully even more than Jaebum had).

* * *

Yugyeom's heart wasn't with him. No, he'd realized that his heart was wherever Bam was, which was why, after leaving Jaebum's parents' house, Yugyeom had called and begged Bam to hear him out. Eventually, Bam had agreed, leaving Yugyeom to wait on the bench down the street for him to arrive. The fall air was chillier than ever, the dead leaves having long since fallen to the ground, giving in to decomposition. Yugyeom turned up the collar of his jacket and shivered, just as Bam's black car stopped in front of him.

Hesitating for a fraction of a second, Yugyeom opened the door and slid into the passenger's seat. The interior was warm and Yugyeom breathed it in deeply, allowing it to thaw his frozen lungs. Bam put the car and drive and pulled away from the curb, leaving behind Yugyeom's biological family. He was worried that Kyung-Soo wouldn't care that he would want nothing to do with them and that she would talk to the police anyway. But he trusted Jaebum, so Yugyeom told himself not to think about that and instead turned to Bam.

The man's hair was fixed perfectly in place, as it always was, the golden shadow on his eyes seemingly slowing in the lights from the car dash. Tonight, he was wearing beige suit, and Yugyeom realized he must have come from work. Bam's face was indifferent, the shadows passing over them from the street lights only making his expression more severe.

"Where are we going?" Yugyeom asked quietly.

Bam shrugged in the low light. "Back to my house," he replied. "If that's okay." There was question in his tone.

Yugyeom couldn't help the small smile that lifted on his face; he was a little glad Bam couldn't see it. "That's okay."

When they reached Bam's house, Yugyeom wasn't at all surprised to find it empty. From what Bam had shared of his father, Mr. Park was rarely home. And Yugyeom knew that Jinyoung was back at Jaebum's apartment as they worked on their own problems. Yugyeom laughed quietly to himself. It seemed they were brothers after all, dealing with the same exact problem, each of them with a Park brother of their own. However, Yugyeom knew that Jaebum was telling Jinyoung that he couldn't be with him and, as much as it hurt Yugyeom to know Jaebum was putting Yugyeom's happiness ahead of his own, the feelings he had for Bam were too intense to deny. Too real to let go of.

Bam motioned for Yugyeom sit on the couch, taking a seat beside him. They were each in the exact spots they'd been in before, when Yugyeom had almost made the right decision and not used Bam for his own gain. If Yugyeom had continued walking that night, where would they be now?

"Do you want something to drink?" Bam asked, the air between them still as awkward and tense as it had been in the car moments before.

Yugyeom shook his head. "No," he replied.

"Are you sure? Do you want something to eat? I can order ─"

"Shut up," Yugyeom said, looking Bam in the eyes. Bam stopped talking, appearing shocked at Yugyeom's words. "I love you. I'm in love with you. And I'm so sorry for ever trying to use you." Yugyeom breathed out heavily, praying his honesty would make Bam see that his feelings were genuine. That Bam was the most important person to him. "I was afraid, you know? All my life, I've struggled. Well, the life I remember, anyway. We've never had nice things or anything fancy, I've never had a promised future. All I've had was this dream, this dream to do music and have more for myself than my parents. And I wanted to give them everything, too.

"And so, when I met you at the animal shelter and you were so _different_ from the man I'd known before, something changed. I tried to deny it and I tried to push it away. But I couldn't. That's when I decided that I had to use you to further myself, because that was the only way these feelings would mean anything. Otherwise, I was just some dumb, broke kid, chasing after a man who had everything I didn't. And I knew that it would never work between us."

"Yugyeom ─"

Yugyeom held up a hand. "Wait. Let me finish." Bam nodded and remained silent. "But then...you felt the same way. And when you told me about your past, it made me realize that you weren't this facade that you always put on. That you were this strong, amazing guy who deserved so much better." Yugyeom swallowed and slowly, cautiously, took Bam's hand in his. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize who you are. I'm sorry that I ever wanted to use you to make myself feel better. Because you're incredible and anyone would be lucky to have you in their lives."

Bam remained silent for a moment. The only sound in the room was their quiet breathing. Yugyeom was certain Bam could hear his heartbeat, though, pouding away behind his ribcage. All he wanted was to fix things, whether or not Bam still wanted to be with him. He just wanted Bam's forgiveness.

Finally, Bam laughed. It was just a whisper of a sound, but Yugyeom heard it. He looked at Bam, confused. "That's all I wanted to hear," Bam said with a smile. "I just wanted to know you were sorry and that you really feel the same way about me."

Yugyeom felt the smile rise to his face as he ducked his head in relief. Bam's hand landed on his and Yugyeom looked back up at the boy, their eyes meeting. Yugyeom noticed, not for the first time, the absolute adoration there, and he hoped Bam could see the same thing reflected in his own gaze.

"I should take you home," Bam said.

Yugyeom had to admit that he was a little disappointed Bam hadn't made the move he'd been thinking he would. His lips ached to feel the soft caress of Bam's, but if he wasn't ready, Yugyeom wasn't going to push him. So instead, Yugyeom nodded and followed Bam to the door.

The drive passed by in silence until they stopped at the intersection halfway to Yugyeom's house. Traffic was crazy tonight and it felt like they'd been waiting at the redlight forever. Bam shut off the radio that had been quietly playing in the background and glanced over at Yugyeom. "Do you want to go on a date with me?" Bam asked him.

Yugyeom could see Bam's cheeks flush in the light of the other cars and he smiled. "Of course I do," he replied.

Everything that came next happened far too fast. The light changed ─ Bam grinned ─ Yugyeom felt his heart flutter ─ their car moved forward ─ Yugyeom shouted ─ then came the impact.

The last thought that crossed Yugyeom's mind was what he hadn't gotten a chance to say to Bam: _I want to do everything with you._

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can hate me if you want. I hate me.
> 
> Also, I've decided to give you guys a ... happy(?) ending.  
> So stay tuned.

Jaebum and Jinyoung stopped by Jinyoung's car. They were awkward again, now that both of them had laid their feelings out on the table, now that both of them knew it wasn't going to happen. What were they supposed to say to each other? How were they supposed to act? Neither of them wanted to go back to the way things had been before they'd become friends. And neither of them knew how to _just_ be friends anymore.

For a moment, they just stood there, Jinyoung staring down at his shoes, Jaebum staring at Jinyoung. It killed him inside that he wasn't ever going to be able to hold Jinyoung's hand or feel the softness of his lips again. But it was for his brother's happiness. And so, Jaebum pushed his own feelings aside, as he'd done for years, and cleared his throat to say goodbye to Jinyoung.

"So, I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow?" Jaebum said, trying to ignore the awkwardness between them. He hated it, hated that it had become this way. They'd come so far with their relationship, only for it to be _this_.

Jinyoung shuffled his feet and finally looked up at Jaebum. "Yeah," he replied. "See you at work."

As Jinyoung rounded the car to get into the driver's seat, Jaebum's phone rang. Why was Bam calling him? "Bam?" Jaebum answered curiously; Jinyoung stopped and listened. His phone battery had died soon after arriving at Jaebum's house, but Bam rarely called anyway. What was so important now?

"What?" Jaebum said, barely able to understand what Bam was saying. He sounded frantic and out of breath. "Bam, slow down. What happened?"

Bam took a deep breath. "I don't know what happened," he said. "The truck ─ it came out of nowhere ─ there was so much blood ─ Jaebum ─ Jaebum, I'm sorry."

Jaebum's heart plummeted to his feet. "Sorry for what, Bam? Where are you? Where's Yugyeom?" Jinyoung had made his way back around the car to stand in front of Jaebum, worry in his eyes.

"We're at Asan Medical Center," Bam said. Jaebum hung up the phone and looked at Jinyoung. He was certain all the terror he was feeling was showing in his eyes, his hands trembling at his sides.

Jinyoung took Jaebum's shaking hands into his own. "Jaebum, calm down," he said softly. "Where are they? What happened? Talk to me."

"There was an accident," Jaebum said. He could feel his chest tightening and his breathing becoming labored as he tried to tell himself to be calm. "They're at Asan."

Jinyoung led Jaebum to his car and helped him into the passenger's seat, telling him to breathe. Jaebum tried to listen to Jinyoung's voice on the way to the hospital. Something about hearing the calm in it had always brought about a calm to Jaebum as well. But it wasn't working this time. All Jaebum could think about was how he'd only just gotten his brother back. There was no way he could lose him now. The knot in Jaebum's gut twisted as he imagined how scared Yugyeom must be, how scared Bam must be.

Before he knew it, Jinyoung was pulling up at the hospital. Jaebum got out of the car, running into the Emergency Room, Jinyoung on his heels. He didn't spot Bam at first, his mind automatically searching for any trace of Yugyeom. There was none. Bam came over to the two of them, the makeup he'd been wearing now streaming down his face. His eyes were red and puffy, his lip still trembling. Jaebum ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

Jinyoung, ever together, was at the front desk, doing the obvious thing in that situation. But Jaebum was barely holding it together at this point. There was no way he or Bam could think straight.

Bam was now sat in one of the uncomfortable blue waiting room chairs. His elbows were resting on his knees, his face in his hands. He looked a mess and Jaebum's heart flipped when he noticed the scarlet on Bam's suit. Was that Yugyeom's blood, or had Bam been injured as well? Jaebum was certain he couldn't take much more; the room had started to spin. But a hand caught Jaebum's elbow, steadying him, and Jinyoung's voice made the room still again.

"He's in surgery," Jinyoung said, his voice calm as ever. His eyes were asking Jaebum a plethora of questions, but the most prominent one was, _Are you okay?_

Jaebum wasn't sure how to answer that. No, he wasn't okay. His brother was in surgery and he had no idea if he was going to come out alive. Yes, he was okay. Because Jinyoung was there, making him hopeful. No, he wasn't okay. His family had only just reunited and there was a chance it was about to be ripped apart again. Yes, he was okay. With Jinyoung there, Jaebum felt like he could face anything.

"Come on," Jinyoung said, leading Jaebum towards where Bam was seated. "I'll go get some coffee."

Jaebum sat back in the chair, his eyes lingering on Bam's back. He'd never seen the boy so out of wits before, hair a mess, suit crumpled. It only made Jaebum realize how real this situation was for Bam, too. Bam loved Yugyeom, just as much as Yugyeom loved Bam. Without thinking about it, Jaebum reached out and patted Bam's back consolingly.

"I'm sure he'll be fine," Jaebum said, even though he wasn't sure he even believed that himself.

Bam sat up and finally looked at Jaebum. His cheeks were flushed from crying, eyes red-rimmed. "I'm so sorry," he said, voice cracking. "We were talking and the light turned green and I went, but I guess I wasn't paying attention, because the next thing I know ─"

"It's not your fault," Jaebum told him firmly. Even though Jaebum wanted someone to blame. Even though Jaebum wanted some way to let his anger out, someone to take it out on, he knew that person wasn't Bam. The truth of the matter was that shit happened. There were things in life you just couldn't control. And it was fucked up and it hurt, but Jaebum had lived through enough to know that sometimes there was just nothing you could do.

Bam shook his head. "It is. I should have...done... _something_."

Jaebum was about to continue consoling Bam, something that was currently keeping him distracted enough from his own breakdown, but the doctor came out, looking for the family of Yugyeom. Jaebum and Bam both stood; Jinyoung had just returned with two steaming cups of coffee, and he approached as well. The expression on the doctor's face had Jaebum's heart pounding and his stomach roiling, but he hoped that this guy's expression wasn't indicative of anything.

"Are you the family of Kim Yugyeom?" the doctor asked, checking his chart.

Jaebum nodded. "I'm his brother," he said.

"I don't have a brother down as family. Where are his parents?"

The heart in Jaebum's chest that had been pounding seconds before was now in his feet. He hadn't even considered that he wouldn't be able to know anything about Yugyeom. He was his brother, after all. But now, Jaebum realized he wasn't, not on paper, at least, not anymore. Now, those other people were his family, and Jaebum was just a stranger. Someone who couldn't even have any news about his brother.

"I'll call them," Jinyoung said automatically, pulling out his phone.

Jaebum grabbed his arm, stopping him. "No, I should do it."

The night air was cold, sending a shiver up Jaebum's spine. He hadn't thought to grab a jacket; his mind had been focused solely on Yugyeom. Even now, he didn't really mind the cold. All he wanted was to know if his brother was going to make it, but he couldn't even know that until his _family_ showed up. And Jaebum knew that now wasn't the time for his bitterness towards these people to show, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't help feeling like it just _wasn't fair_.

Hands shaking, not due to the cold, but due to his nerves, Jaebum dialed Yugyeom's parents' number. Yugyeom had given it to him in case of an emergency, but Jaebum hadn't ever thought he would actually need it.

Yugyeom's mom answered on the third ring, sounding like she was half-asleep. "Hello?"

"Mrs. Kim?" Jaebum said slowly. "This is Yugyeom's brother, Jaebum. There's been an accident. They won't tell me anything. They'll only tell you ─" Jaebum choked on a sob, "─ can you come to Asan Medical Center?"

Jaebum listened as Yugyeom's mother woke up his father and frantically said they would be at the hospital soon. The line went dead and Jaebum felt himself crumple. He crouched, resting his elbows on his knees, his head against his arms as he felt the sobs wrack his body. He didn't want to lose it in front of Bam, who was already falling apart at the seams, so he let it out then. No one paid him any mind and so he just stayed there, crying silently.

A hand on his shoulder made Jaebum stop, taking a deep breath. He looked up to see Jinyoung standing there, a worried expression on his face. "It's cold out," he said, taking off his jacket and placing it around Jaebum's shoulders. "Won't do anyone any good if you get sick."

Jaebum sighed heavily and fixed his gaze on the ground in front of him. "I shouldn't have taken him to meet my family," Jaebum said suddenly. "I don't think he was ready for it. He just didn't want to disappoint me."

Jinyoung knelt down to Jaebum's level, clasping his hands together in front of him. "You need to stop trying to find a way to blame yourself, Jaebum," he said, his voice soft, yet firm. "Sometimes, things just happen. I know you know that, but I also know that you would do anything for your brothers. Even if that means somehow taking the blame for all this. You take the pain on so everyone else doesn't have to." Jaebum looked over at Jinyoung; he knew the boy was right. "Let yourself _feel_ , Jaebum. And not for everyone else. Feel for _you_."

As if just hearing someone give him permission broke something in him, Jaebum felt himself snap again. He'd thought the had run out of tears, but they were coming again, streaking his cheeks. He was a loud, blubbering mess, but he was glad when Jinyoung wrapped both arms around him and just let him cry.

Eventually, Jinyoung and Jaebum made their way back into the hospital, not wanting to leave Bam alone. Yugyeom's parents came running in not long after, crying and asking after Yugyeom. That was the only way Jaebum and the others even knew who they were. They'd never gotten the chance to meet Yugyeom's brother and now Jaebum was sure they wanted nothing more than to take back ever letting Yugyeom meet him in the first place.

Did they blame him? He was certain they did.

The nurse behind the desk said she would get the doctor. Yugyeom's parents slowly made their way over to the waiting area where Jaebum, Jinyoung, and Bam were now standing. Jaebum swallowed everything he was feeling (pain, his pride) and approached them.

"Mr. and Mrs. Kim?" he said slowly. "I'm Yugyeom's brother, Jaebum."

"How long did you wait before calling us?" Yugyeom's father asked. His mother was in shambles, probably unable to speak at all, her husband seemingly the only thing keeping her on her feet.

Jaebum bowed his head in shame. "I was selfish," he said. "I didn't even think about the two of you. All I had on my mind was Yugyeom. I'm sorry."

Yugyeom's mother swallowed and placed a hand on Jaebum's arm. "We wouldn't have thought to call you," she said, though her husband still appeared reproachful towards Jaebum.

They all turned as the doctor cleared his throat. "Are you Kim Yugyeom's parents?" he asked. "We should talk alone."

Yugyeom's mom stopped and placed her hand back on Jaebum's arm. "This is his brother, can he come, too?" she asked.

The doctor nodded solemnly and Jaebum followed after, wishing that Jinyoung could join them. That boy was his rock; how was he going to handle this alone?

The room the doctor led them to was a typical conference room, with a long table lined with chairs, and a large window on the far wall, overlooking the city. Seoul was so alive, even at this hour. Jaebum silently wondered just how many people out there were facing the same sort of thing that he was in that moment. Were they just as terrified of losing their loved one as him? How would they handle it? Because he had no idea how to deal with loss. Sure, he'd lost his father, but Jaebum had considered his family lost long before that. No one close to him had died, and he honestly wasn't good with emotions to begin with. He had no idea how he was going to handle this, especially alone.

The doctor sat at the head of the table, with Yugyeom's parents taking up the two seats by him. Jaebum was left furthest down the table, feeling more alone than ever. He was out of place here, and he knew that. Yugyeom's parents had each other in that moment, but who did Jaebum have? The only person he wanted by his side was forced to be out in the waiting room, his other brother at home, probably asleep, unaware of anything that was happening.

"The truck that struck your son's side of the vehicle was speeding," the doctor began. "If he hadn't been, things would have turned out differently. The airbags in the car defected, and your son ─"

"We don't need the details," Yugyeom's father said sternly, his wife sobbing quietly beside him. "Just tell us if he's going to be okay."

Jaebum looked up from his hands, eyes landing on the doctor. He seemed uncomfortable. "We did all we could," was all he said.

The small part of Jaebum's heart that had been holding out hope shattered. He heard Yugyeom's mother scream and even his father was crying, but Jaebum simply stood and left the room. He walked down the hall and to the waiting room, past Jinyoung and Bam ─ who was sobbing; he must have heard Yugyeom's mother scream ─ not stopping until he was back outside in the cold night air. Chest heaving, heart racing and broken, Jaebum screamed. He screamed until his throat was raw and aching, and then he fell to his hands and knees.

The cement beneath his fingers was like ice, but the cold pain was welcome relief. There seemed to be no more tears left for Jaebum to cry and so he just stayed there, trying to breathe, but unable to get the air to his lungs. He was on fire, but he was freezing. He wanted to run, but he couldn't move.

Hands on his shoulders made Jaebum look up, expecting to see Jinyoung. But it was Youngjae, on his knees. Jaebum vaguely realized that Jinyoung must have called him, just like he'd handled everything else. The boy pulled Jaebum to him and Jaebum wrapped his arms around his brother tightly, finally able to take a breath, finally able to cry again.

When Jaebum finally opened his eyes, he saw snow drifting from the sky. The first snow of the season.

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was generous and gave you a nice enough ending.  
> Even though you all hated me, smh.  
> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed (and cried)!  
> xoxox
> 
> ***If you enjoyed this, check out my newest cliche au, Coming Home (JJP)!!

The sky was clear, the sun shining brightly over Seoul. Even though the summer was always hot, Jaebum loved it. In fact, it was his favorite season. He wasn't entirely sure why. Maybe it was because summer somehow reminded him of the past, things that had come and gone, but memories that brought a smile to his face. Times spent with his little brother, his family all together. Those were the times Jaebum sometimes wished he could go back to.

But those times were gone and Jaebum had mostly accepted that. A lot of things had happened to Jaebum in his twenty-four years of life, but the truth was that he wouldn't take any of it back. All of these things ─ the good and the bad ─ had made him into the man he was today. The loss of his family, finding a brother in Youngjae, meeting his biological brother, even losing his biological brother. Jaebum had accepted it all and sure, there were times when he broke down and really asked the universe why it had seen fit to take so much from him. But those were the moments when Jaebum was at his lowest, when he couldn't find it in him to forgive. In truth, Jaebum knew that this had all happened for a reason. Maybe he would never know that reason and maybe if he ever did know, he wouldn't even understand. But it didn't matter.

Jaebum inhaled deeply, enjoying the scents of summer. He smiled. Two years had passed since Jaebum had lost his brother, Yugyeom. It was strange. Sometimes, he was certain he could feel Yugyeom there with him. In terms of the afterlife and what comes next, Jaebum had never decided what he believed. But he knew that his brother was with him.

In the two years since the accident, Jaebum had finished his internship and now had an actual job at JYP, along with Jinyoung. The two of them didn't spend a lot of time together. They were both pretty busy with their own lives these days. Jaebum had, of course, thanked Jinyoung for all his help after the funeral for Yugyeom, but had ultimately told the boy that he thought it was best if they lived their separate lives. Jaebum had been able to see the hurt in Jinyoung's eyes, the hurt that he was sure had been mirrored in his own, but things had just been to hectic and painful for him to have any sort of relationship.

Kyung-Soo had apologized to Jaebum at the funeral and Jaebum had forgiven her. He hadn't forgiven her for her, but for himself. He had grown tired of living with that guilt and blame on his shoulders. He knew it was time to let it go. Kyung-Soo had tried to mend the relationship between them, but Jaebum had cut ties. While he forgave his sister, she was just too toxic for him to have in his life. Their mother had had to be placed in a facility where professionals could take care of her. Jaebum supposed now Kyung-Soo was lonely, but he didn't make it his problem. Some things just had to be done.

As for Bam, he'd left soon after the funeral. Jaebum saw his updates sometimes. He was living in the states, somewhere in upstate New York. He'd opened his own record label and seemed to be doing pretty well for himself. Jaebum knew that looks could be deceiving, but Bam's relationship with Jinyoung had been mended and Jaebum knew that Jinyoung had a way of making people talk about things. So maybe Bam was doing just as good as his updates suggested. Jaebum hoped so.

Youngjae had left only a few weeks earlier to complete his own internship in Busan, leaving Jaebum the whole apartment. Even though Youngjae would return in just a couple months, Jaebum still felt his absence and called the boy every night.

Now, Jaebum was on his way home to said apartment. He'd taken Yugyeom's unfinished music ─ with the boy's parents' permission ─ and cleaned it all up. The CD book had pictures of Yugyeom with both his biological parents and his other parents, of him with Jaebum and Kyung-Soo. There were pictures of he and Bam and even one of he and Jinyoung that Bam had taken without him knowing. The album would go on sale the next day; Jaebum had promoted it himself and he was confident that it would sell well. All profits were going to the animal shelter Yugyeom had volunteered at. His family didn't want any of the money, and Jaebum just felt that that's what his brother would want.

The building was fairly empty by this time in the evening and Jaebum glanced over at the cafe where Yugyeom had worked. Mark was still there, but the place just wasn't the same without his brother's yellow head bobbing around behind the counter.

"You heading out?" a familiar voice asked.

Jaebum turned to see Jinyoung standing there, not a hair out of place. Some things never changed. "Yeah," he replied. "You?"

Jinyoung nodded. "Listen...Do you wanna get some coffee?"

Jaebum hesitated. Two years had passed and this boy still wanted something to do with him? Were the feelings still there? They were for Jaebum. So he smiled and nodded once. "I'd love to," he said. Jinyoung grinned.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated if you enjoy.  
> There's no schedule to how I'll update this, because I suck, but uh.  
> Yeah, that's pretty much it. Stan GOT7. Bye.


End file.
